Ummm hai? x.x

[SoAlonexxx]

I was referred here by someone on another forum i'm on. Thank-you to that person. I don't like the introduction section; it's scary x.x So i'm going to post here. I swear, if I was talking outloud I would sound like a little girl. Sometimes I do that though. I like to talk as if I was a young girl. I guess that makes me happy? Maybe it's why I carry around a stuffed animal at 18....

I'm not normal, I have issues. Never been diagnosed... Was going to a therapist, quit because she made me mad and annoyed =( and I kinda told her I would stalk her.

I'm manipulative, a compulsive liar, have had an eating disorder(ed-nos) since I was 11, I cut/burn/scratch(getting better), and have tried to O.D several times. If I could i'd be a drug and alcohol addict, but i'm to shy to actually do it. I'm so tired of sending naked r tphotos of myself to people(over 18 dont worry) and sexting people and flirting just because I get the impulse to, or taking my car 100m.p.h(dont have one anymore engine blew up) or taking corners fast out of impulse, or taking a bunch of stuff just cause I can, or eating a lot out of impulse, or my eating disorder, or blegh

I'm impulsive, and have huge mood swings. Some days I can function normally but some days I can't. I vary lots in how I deal and can relate to people. Sometimes I blame it on my anxiety issues.... I have a boyfriend, i've already cheated on him. He's off at Basic,and i'm an awful girlfriend.. I know, I know. I don't want to lose him, but I was lonely... and the guy paid attention to me....... It's terrible; it sucks, it's life.


So I deleted/blocked every guy I talk to, and I haven't done anything yet. But it's terrible. I'm also quite awful to my boyfriend, I tried to get pregnant to keep him around even though he hasn't left yet..... He knew about it but I kinda convinced him to let me. I'm so mean to him sometimes... I've made him cry, all over little stuff. I love him, I truly do, but I just... I dno't understand myself. I get mad over the little things, and i'll yell at him and make him so sad... but I could never fully go away, I would miss him to badly and I can't be alone.

I hate being so impulsive... It's quite terrible, i'm broke. I have bills to pay, but I wanted the doggy sweater... so she would love me.

Had a fight with mom today, flipped on her and told her I hate her. Because she wanted me to apply for a job now, instead of later this afternoon like I wanted to.

What a terrible first post.. but I need to get this out. even though no one will reply, why should they...

Blegh, so depressed. But atleast it'll be short lived.... Stupid littlegirl in me wants to come out to and it's annoying. I wanna be me, I don't want her to come out.

maybe I should commit myself...... oh wait, to broke for that..

so er uhm, hai?

[Sigma]

Hi there and welcome!

Admitting you have problems is the first step to doing something about them, so putting it all down is a good start. Then the next step is thinking about what to do about them - could you go to your doctor for help?

Seeing a therapist can also help, though you need to be prepared to work through the getting annoyed, that's part of the therapy. Although also sometimes the first therapist you see isn't the right one for you.

[Mrs Sam]

Hey, welcome :)

Sounds like you have a lot of stuff going on right now.

Have you ever sat down with your boyfriend and had a proper heart to heart with him? Explain how you feel and act the way you do.

I do think a good first step would be to visit your doctor. They can put you in touch with the right sort of people to help you and maybe prescribe something to help with your moods etc.

Take care xxx

[SoAlonexxx]

I'm broke, no insurance, so can't even think about seeing anyone for now... None the less, I haven't sat down and talked to my boyfriend. I'm not very good with this whole talking things, and texts don't always portray what I need to say... He's off at basic again so i'm going to try and write him a letter....

[Mrs Sam]

Yeah letters are good too and you could explain how you need to talk to him but that you don't feel able to.

I dont know the US system but is there not some sort of other way to get medical support without paying?

[vitae]

Some US hospitals and urgent cares offer 'sliding-scale' payments, and have psychiatrists on staff. I'm not sure they'd take 'emotional harm' to others as a reason, but they might so it could be worth a try? You could also try phoning a crisis line or such to see if they can refer you to someone with affordable service?

[SoAlonexxx]

I can't even do a sliding scale....
My life is so chaotic right now. I wish my mother would disappear. Just leave the family and go about her own life. It's so hard living here with her...