some advice/support please*may trigger sh/ed*

dyinginside · 03-01-2011, 12:19 PM

I havent been on here for ages as life got better, i was doing well but as usual i manage to screw it up and things have gone backwards badly. I hadnt cut for over a year and just before xmas i did a few times and it didnt have the same feelings of release and pain like it did before, it meant nothing to me. I live at home with my mum and brother. Im a support worker for adults with learning disabilities and dont earn enough to be able to move out. My mum constantly tells me all her troubles and dumps on me, my brother was ok until new years eve i had gone to bed not wanting to see the new year in- he shouted at me and told me how awful i was because basically i dont like going out and i dont have much of a social life. My social life went down hill when i became depressed and got called names out in town because im on the large size. Following on from being on the large size i have been trying to loose weight and i lost nearly 2 stone and then i put some back on but now all i get is grief from my mum and brother about loosing weight and that my clothes look tight etc They know i have an ed i keep binging and over eating and purging etc i go round in circles. I just dont know what to do or how much more i can take because its getting me down and i want out. I thought i could get better and be happy but maybe thats just a pipe dream. x

Sketchy · 03-01-2011, 03:19 PM

Argh I tried to reply to this and it deleted, okay, here it goes again.

Being happy and well is not just a dream. You can get there. It can be overwhelming tackling so many things at once, so what about taking things step by step. Are you recieving help for your ed? Maybe you should ask for help, see a doctor. It's a vicious circle (I know that circle, it sucks), so extra support might be of help. Does your mum and brother know how badly their comments affect you? Could you talk to them about it? I can understand the whole new year thing. I hate it, there's too much pressure to have a good time and do what others think we should. It's also all the more difficult when you are feeling depressed. Are you getting help with that? Again, that can make it hard to tackle things and make it all the more overwhelming, so could you speak to someone about that also?

As for moving out, that is another goal to aim for and to even feel excited about, but perhaps you could focus on your health first unless staying at home is affecting you that badly. You say you don't earn enough, but what about working towards a promotion or working your way up in work? Or even flat share? That can make a difference to the bills and make them less daunting.

dyinginside · 04-01-2011, 10:02 AM

Hey
Thanks for your reply.

I see a mental health doctor every 2 months it used to be every month but because things got better we reduced how often i say him. He tries to help with my ed but everytime i start making progress i seem to self sabotage! They do know and i tell them but they say sorry then do it again and again. Its hard to talk to them. I know they want whats best for me but they arent helping they are making it worse.

Im looking for a better paid job as i want something more challenging but theres not that much about. Im not unhappy at work but need something else. Flat share is a good idea and i would like to do that if i can but i think that will be a while yet. x

Sketchy · 04-01-2011, 07:56 PM

What about seeing another doctor?

I hope your job search goes well. At least you are not unhappy in work, it will keep you going until you find something else. A new challenge is always good and refreshing. Moving out does take time but it will happen.

dyinginside · 07-01-2011, 09:50 AM

I dont know, im going to ring and book an appointment to see him as soon as possible. My mum is getting worse at telling me what a let down of a daughter i am and how basically im a **** up and my brother keeps telling me how **** i am as well and ive had enough my only friends atm are my blades they help me so much more than anybody else.

Thanks, the only thing i enjoy atm is work its my saviour my release. I feel so lost atm. sorry i just cant keep it in. Im so lonely i have no real friends to tell how i feel and i dont want to burden those that i do have so i dont know what to do really.

Sketchy · 07-01-2011, 09:58 PM

I know don't want to burden friends, but good friends will want to be there for you. It's okay to say when things are bad. I bet you would want them to confide in you if they were going through the same.

That really sucks about your mum and brother. Don't listen (as hard as that can be). You are NOT a let down and you are NOT ****.

Sounds like work is good, and something positive to focus on. You will get there. You will move on and have your own place. Focus on the positives because it will happen.

dyinginside · 09-01-2011, 03:07 PM

I would want them to tell me, but i just feel like all i ever do is tell them how bad i feel and i never really tell them that im happy and enjoying life, although its true i just dont want to continuously tell them this.

I try not too but it just happens so often now that its like constant reinforcement.

It is and i do enjoy it, im just thinking that at 23 im in a bit of a dead end job with no chance to progress, i have no boyfriend, im fat, ugly, depressed and unable to do anything really. Sorry.