feeling really lost (maybe trig im not sure)

[dollpart]

sorry to post *again*. have been trying to reply as much as i can as well...

i got back yesterday, to see my girlfriend. today we had the most calm conversation and she said i have made her more unhappy than happy on balance. that the last few months have just been full of arguments (this hurt as i thought things had been getting better the last few months). she said she just doesn't know what to do anymore. and she can't ask our friends, or anyone, feels lost. i know if she was anyone else, one of my friends, anyone, i would tell her to get away from me, i would tell her that she'd be happier and better off, that she could find someone who wouldn't hurt her or make her so sad. if i were less selfish i would leave. but i am selfish, and in love. i don't think i'm capable of making her happy. or anyone. and i'm suddenly just so lost i'm scared i might do something. not now. new years party and i can't leave her waiting worrying, not tonight. even if the thought of new year without alcohol makes me sick in the pit of my stomach.

oh i don't know... please reply, i have hardly ever felt this lost before.

[Pomegranate]

I'm sorry things are tough between the two of you.

I don't think any problems in a relationship are the responsibility of a single partner. You are PARTNERS for a reason...to live life together, and part of that involves problem solving. Maybe you have not been the ideal partner but you obviously do care for her and you are not bad person because if you were then you would not care about making her worry. Having said that, 'doing something', something damaging is not the solution. At all. You need to sit down with her and have a full and frank discussion with her and work out the right solution between the PAIR of you, rather than making rash decisions alone. I hope you managed to stay safe and are feeling a little better than when you posted this.

[dollpart]

Thank you for replying. I haven't been up to responding so far but appreciated it. We are still together. We made things new on the 1st and I was happy about us being together... really together. And then I ruined things again, my stupid moods, my inappropriate responses. She went out and i panicked, got upset, got really drunk and punched in our window. So the trust is all shaken again and she's doubting me again and I am doubting myself again and still clinging to her because i can't not. am i wrong to?