Can you help me start the new year more positively?
I hope this is in the right place and hope I can try explain this ok. (not my strong point lol)
I feel like an onion. The outer layers are genuinely happy, and the inner ones are unhappy and very self destructive. They get peeled back unfortunately - often - but also a lot of the time is spent with a genuine smile on my face.
So I'm confused about how I feel.
Right now I'm sad because I have almost no desire to even have a positive outlook in 2011. I am not on about making any big changes, just I think I might do all the destructive things I did this year. I can see horrible things happen before my eyes. :(
I need to want to get better. I am scared and unsure. A part of me wants the safety and security and comfort of my illness. There's a lot of shame tucked in there.
The new year makes me feel awful and negative. I don't see it as a good opportunity for a new start and for the life of me, I can't work out why?
Any tips for looking at the new year in a more positive light? For believing that it won't just be the same/as worse as this year? For being brave and letting go of the safety, etc, of my illness?
Thank you. x
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
I hate New Year too. I also think that it serves as a reminder of what has come the year before, and what might come in the coming year. But I wonder if you can find some small things that might help these coming months pass with more ease.
It might be helpful to write your own care plan, so to speak. They say that we are professionals in our own difficulties, and have the best idea of the things that will help us. Have you ever heard of the Wellness Recovery Action Plan? It's pretty hardcore - lots of pages to fill in, lots of questions to answer. But if done, it gives you a REALLY good sense of your difficulties and positive coping strategies. Maybe you could have a look through it online and take some bits from it to make into a condensed version. It can be helpful to acknowledge the difficulties you might face, and the little things you can do to keep yourself well. It's also good to know the people and places you can turn to if you exhaust all your own coping strategies - your support network, and have it all in one easily accessible package. Also, collect together things that give you hope - quotes, messages/photos from friends and family, mix CDs etc. And distraction stuff - arty things, a book for creative writing - any things that make you feel good, and put them in a pretty box/bag so you can reach them easily.
Sometimes the best way to let go of the safety of illness is slowly. In my experience, we can get very caught up in our own difficulties, and, without meaning to, become quite insular and, for lack of a better phrase, self-involved. What do you do with your days at the moment? Maybe you could think about starting a tiny bit of volunteer work (literally a couple of hours a week) helping animals or people, to get out of inner-worlds for a while.
Find things that give you that genuine smile and do them as often as you can. Make "you-time". For me it's cooking or baking or drinking hot chocolate or singing (even though I do it badly!) It's okay to enjoy what you're doing.
Spend lots of time with people you trust.
Recognise those dark sides but be mindful not to let them take over. You may still have destructive behaviours and thoughts in 2011, but maybe you'll allow yourself to have a little bit less of these. It's all progress, and it's a battle that takes a long time to win. Allow yourself that time, and allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.
I feel more positive about this New Year than I have for many years past and I think it's because I'm not expecting big things. I'm not going to put pressure on myself to be perfect, to have a job, to socialise loads and loads, to have every minute of my day filled. I'm just gonna take it slowly.
I know I've probably rambled on a lot about stuff that won't be helpful to you, but I hope that at least one thing in this post will be positive for you, and that this coming year is better than the last.
Hello! I can relate a lot to what you have said, and I'd like next year to be better for me, too. The fact that you're asking for help like this is already a very positive thing. It means that you want things to change.
The previous post has pretty much exhausted every idea I had (!), but the one other thing which helps me is thinking about how proud I will feel of myself if things go well, if I manage to do something I find difficult, or if I manage to not do certain things which are unhelpful or self-destructive. Trying to feel that pride really makes me want to do well and helps motivate me if I'm not feeling too positive.
Keeping busy is also really important for me. Setting myself little goals, even things like going to the supermarket, going for a walk or a swim, setting time aside to read a book etc. helps stop me from dwelling too much. Spending some time outside every day also seems to help. Just the fresh air, a short walk and the scenery can lift my mood. Perhaps you could try something like that - plan to do something positive or constructive every day, even if it's just something small.
I hope this helps, even if just a little. Take care Miranda
xx
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Sorry we wish we had some advice or suggestions for you, but we don't.We have never cared for new years , but this year with grandpa's recently passing away.. it just seems even less important, exciting or whatever it is supossed to be, anyhow sorry we are of no help. but wanted to let you know that we understand how you feel considering the new yr. SADIE
