I'm 19, I am currently being treated for depression and anxiety, which I've suffered with on and off since the age of 12. I am on the waiting list for a new CBT therapist because it didn't work out with my last one, and I am on Trazodone to help me sleep. I am getting more and more frustrated and desperate and I just want to get out of my own head because I don't know how to cope.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year, and we're still very much in love with eachother. When I'm okay, the relationship is amazing. We want to stay together for the rest of our lives, but when I'm particularly down, we have so many arguments about stupid things because I'm irritable and get emotional about the smallest thing. It's so hard for both of us to deal with, and we both want to get through it because we sacrificed so much to be together and we truly mean a lot to each other, but I'm not getting any better, and it's causing so much stress for both of us. It hurts me and makes me feel lonely that I'm doing this to the closest and most important person in my life.
I don't really have anyone else to talk to. I haven't seen or contacted my closest friends for months because I can't face socialising or speaking to anyone. Recently they also let me down, so I no longer see them as people I can trust. I only have one friend who I feel I can really trust, and I don't see or get to speak to her very often because she lives in a different part of the country. Everyone else has done something in the past that I consider to be a betrayal. I find it very easy to cut ties with people who used to be close friends for this reason. I don't go home and see my family very often, because I get on better with them when I don't see them, and I like to keep it that way. I'm not very close to them.
I'm feeling so lonely and desperate to get better, so I can be myself and make friends again, and stop cutting off everyone that means something to me. I just don't know what to do, because the doctors are already doing what they can, I don't have anyone who can help me, and I don't know how to help myself.
Last edited by elise elend : 14-12-2010 at 02:19 PM.
It can be so hard when you add a relationship to the mix of depression,(or any MI issue) esp when you are still waiting for some practical help.
I think all I can suggest is maybe when times are 'good' you have a really good talk with him, explaining how the 'down' times make you irritable and that is the only reason why (if it is).
It can all be such a strain on a relationship.
I found writing in a journal was really helpful, just a place to get out how I was feeling with no restriction or 'guilt'.
I can relate to those guilt feelings; I have quite honestly put my H thru hell.
But being able to be totally honest, talking openly, writing letters when you can't say what you want helped so very much.
Also, confirming that there is nothing he can to do 'fix' it, or you, seems to have been a relief to my H. I think he knew it, but hearing it helped.
Men seem to feel they should be able to 'fix' things.
Just honesty, and then more honesty and talking.
Walking away or taking a time out if things get heated could be helpful too.
Good luck and I hope a referral comes soon.
Thanks for taking the time to reply, 36 views and only you replied! I really appreciate it. I have talked about it with him, and we always reach the conclusion that we need to get through it. We just want to stay together no matter what. I might take up that journal idea, I've always failed at them in the past though, I've never been able to think of anything to write in them, and then I read them back and cringe and destroy them.
You are not the only one who finds the mix of relationships and MH stuff difficult. I think I struggle with similar things to you and I understand the way yoou are determined to stay together. If you do in any way feel guilty or bad, please don't. It may not be good but it happens. Romp and Sarah above have given some good advice.
Good luck with things, and I hope your CBT therapist comes sooner rather than later. :) x
Last edited by Droplet : 16-12-2010 at 02:05 AM.
Reason: rewording!
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
I know how it feels to struggle with MI and a relationship it makes the relationship much harder and relationships demand high levels of emotion which can make MI much harder sometimes too. Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend would be better off without me even though I know he loves me and wouldn't want that but I feel like I'm pushing him away.
Try to make time to talk to the friend you say you trust, it might help you see things from a different perspective, and maybe there are other people out there that care for you like that but you just havent realised yet, get chatting to some new people and you might end up with a whole load of amazing new friends!
i know im not that helpful but i wanted you to know that i understand xxx
