may i get some opinions?

[ode]

So I need some opinions....
Around 2 years ago I was convinced by an ex to go see a therapist about my social anxiety and general well-being. He concluded that I had anxiety causing depressionand recomended a counciling and medication.
Happy that I thought I may ha ve finally figured out how to get better I agreed to meet with the new lady.
Our first session hit on issues I really wasn't ready for to say the least. That topped with my sheer fear of talking didn't help. She conclujded after this tbhatb I simply had depression causing anxiety and recommended more counciling and to meet with the nurse for medication.
A little uneasy I agreed to see the nurse. I agree with people. I agree or I run.
So next came the nurse. After numerous questions she read off on if I am hearing voices etc, she begins to ask those questions....personal questions. In her heartless voice she asks me. I answer them all as honestly as I can, head down on the verge of tears. She doesn't care. She has me take a questionaire. She looks it over, nods, and picks up a book from the shelf and hands it to me.
"This is for you. We will have blood work done to make sure its not your thyroid and well then get you on medication. If you have any questions the book doesn't answer well discuss it at yojur next appointment"
I jjust looked at the book....she didn't tell me. So I read the cover.
Living with bipolar disorder.
It couldn't be. I just looked up, smiled, and said thank you. What else could I do? No sense fighting. Most lkely my thyroid. So I did what I was told and got it checked.
Its not my thyroid.
I never went back after thatg. I missed my appointments, ignored their calls.
Now two years later I'm wondering if I made the right choice.
I don't trjust them. 3 different diagnosis. I worry abojt being branded with somethinh. I have everything going for me. One semedter left in college. A's. I'm stujdent teaching next semester....I have a new bf...while he is controling at times, he shows love...and this one says he won't hurt me. I thin k its mostly true.
But I am having my problems. I'm homeless at school. I have to compromise with him basically for a place to stay.I have secluded myself from friends. The only one I. Have practically won't take no for an answer, whikch I have found you have to be with me.
But with all this I still feel like I'm slipping away. I feel as though I'm slipping away from reality. I'm having a hbard time grasping that this is my life. I feel crazy. I'm sure the drugs aren't helping...but withoujt them, I feel a major breakdown would emerge....hell, one more thing goi ng wrong would prolly be enough to do it..
So now on the verge of my student teaching I don't know what to do. I just need someone to tell me. Direct me. Just to make all of thiis better.
Can you even teach if you are bipolar? Who would let me han dle a classroom? I read its a lifelong condition....
Hell, am I even bipolar?
My family doesn't believe in getting help.....problems should be kept personal. No need for anyone to know.
I've got a seceret.
I'm afraid.
Of most everything.
Is trying to get better worth it? Or in the long run will it ruin everything I have acomplished....
Fight or flight....
Any recomendations?

[whirlpools]

Yes - try and see a new therapist. I'm not sure if you live in the US or UK or somewhere else, but if it's the US I believe you can look around and find a therapist you trust and can work well with.

I understand your frustration and confusion about whether you have the right diagnosis. The nurse should have talked you through Bipolar Disorder and answered any questions you had rather than just giving you a book. If you're not sure you have the right diagnosis, you have the right to ask for a second opinion. Mental health is not an exact science and misdiagnoses are often made. Sometimes people don't fit into a particular label because as humans we are complex. Ideally you should be treated for the symptoms/difficulties you experience rather than the label.

You can certainly teach with stabilised Bipolar Disorder - no diagnosis should exclude you from living the life you want to, as long as your well enough to teach and it doesn't affect your students or you negatively. Many people with all sorts of different illnesses do all sorts of different jobs.

Don't stop taking the medication without professional advice; you're right that it might be helping hold things together at the moment. And the best course of action, in my experience, is a combination of medication, therapy, and a practical week-to-week plan.

It takes time to trust people, especially if you've had experiences in your life that have hurt your trust in people. So don't worry if it takes time for you to be able to open up in therapy.

[~hunni~]

I think you should have another go at getting help; it can be a really frustrating process and I know that I have often felt that all the hassle means it's not worth it. Unfortunately, as with any profession, there will be people who don't really seem to be very good at their job. However, there are lots of doctors, nurses, therapists etc out there who do care about the people they work with and if you can finding the right person to help you really is priceless.

It sounds like you have a lot of different things going on in your life, and if you're about to start a new career teaching, this might be a really good time to try and sort through some of those things and get your around everything that's going on in your life.

Seeking help is never easy, therapy is never easy, but I think that it is always worth giving it a go. Your family may not believe in talking about their problems with other people, but these kinds of problems don't always go away on their own and you sound as though you have been struggling with things for a while. Keeping everything to yourself and having that burden with you all of the time must be very tiring, and I imagine that it might get lonely at times. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. You say you have lots of good things going for you at the moment - there is no reason why this would change if you went to ask for help, and it might also help you to figure out the parts of your life which are not quite what you want them to be right now.
Good luck
xxx