Contains Suicide - time is mine

darkdoom · 09-12-2010, 08:16 PM

im 37 fat and ugly. i've been in pain most of my life verbally abused and physically. i just want everything to end now. ive got such a headache and my heart feels like its going to explode outta my chest. no one un derstands me they dont see how much im hurting, why would they. they dont see me. im trapped. ive called out for help and no one seems to listen, their problems always worse than mine. im just being selfish but this is my time and it needs to end

pea soup · 10-12-2010, 02:21 PM

hi,

i hear you. im listening.

this is your time to rest and relax. NOT your time for anything else.

i dont know your situation. when you feel up to it, please reply.

thanks.
loves.
xxxxx

crazykat · 10-12-2010, 02:24 PM

I am here to listen too, if you want to talk to us a bit more about what is making you feel like this? It sounds like you are hurting alot, you need someone to listen. Have you thought about getting professional help such as a counsellor? Hold on there, you will get through this. Take care
Kat xxx

lizliz · 11-12-2010, 02:27 AM

I too am here to listen. You can make it through this - find something to distract yourself from what you're feeling. It might be helpful to find a therapist/counselor to talk to...they can be really helpful if you find the right one. stay strong

darkdoom · 11-12-2010, 04:50 PM

hi thanks for the support, and the delay in repling. i od and ended in hospital although i wouldnt tell them anything, theyre taking it as a black out. such a joke. not for the first time either. i just wish they'd understand im calling out for help but need them to helpl me, im making the first move if not fo the right reasons or the right way. its like no-on would suspect id do anything like this and so its always dismissed. ive told my gp i sh and he just looks at me blankly cos im not the stereo typical sh'er. ive tried to tell him how i feel and hes a good doc but cos im always so bubbly round him its like he dont listen. wish i hadnt of gotten through this this time. im just a failure for living and a failure for surving.

Zurg · 13-12-2010, 04:01 PM

Sometimes we get a second chance at life but still feel like a failure for surviving when we were so ready to go. There'sa reason you didn't die, it is not yet your time. Don't give up until you've tried EVERYTHING. Preferably try everything 6 or 7 times just to make sure

I know it's hard when you think it's time to let go. But there is help. There is hope. If no one is taking you seriously i suggest you make a scene of some sorts to make them understand that you NEED their help. You have struggled too long on your own and you don't have to do this alone. Help is for everyone, and that includes you.

It's hard and it's painful to live. But with the right kind of help the pain can subside and the joy can return to your life. Don't downplay your pain, tell them EXACTLY how you feel and you feel so lost that you overdosed.

Sometimes we think we know others so well that we can't imagine how much they struggle beacsue they are so good at hiding it. Stop hiding it, stop trying to protect the people who can help you. Open up. Ask for help. That is the first step to a much better life.

*hugs you*

darkdoom · 14-12-2010, 07:17 PM

thanks zurg for your support. i seen someone yesterday they asked questions, i answered them truefully. i dunno if it was a relief or not cos now im worried of the conscequences of what will happen, how much they'll tell my gp who thinks im kinda mad/ funny /wierd anyway. i feel like ive let him down by telling them everything and not confiding in him. cos im going away tomorrow theyre going to ring me on 5th jan let me know what theyre going to do. they have however said they dont think i have an eating disorder... well how the hell is someone severely obese not have an eating disorder.

Merc · 15-12-2010, 02:13 AM

First off, well done on being brave enough to tell them how you really are. It IS a scary step, but they want to help you and they only really can if they know exactly what you are feeling.
I can kind of understand you feeling guilty for telling them and not your GP, but honestly, you have no reason to feel guilty; he wont be 'mad' or anything.
It is a very good first step you have made; the hardest of them all, but you did it.
Hope all goes well for the 5th but pls ctc them if you need to before then, ok?
The comment they made about the eating disorder sounds somewhat dismissive, but I dont think they intended it that way. Perhaps, you could write down what you feel you would like work on for your next meeting and include your feelings about your eating?
You should be very proud of yourself.
xx