Ever? (Mental Torment) TRIGGERING SI Mentioned!

Rain Keeper · 09-12-2010, 07:16 AM

Get mad at the entire world because you are not "right"
Get mad at the world because you are getting better.
Ever feel left out because you are not right?
Ever feel left out cause you fit too well?
Ever scream because you just ruined "X" amount of days SI free?
Ever scream because you have made it "X" amount of days being SI free?
Ever want to hit someone for loving you?
Ever want to hit someone for hating you?
Ever want to destroy yourself because you have done so well and you see that you are in a forward momentum that only you can stop you but knowing that you can stopping yourself from what you do can possibly make you more insane than if you had just done it like you used to?

Ever feel that you are the only one who knows how you feel?
Ever feel so lonely that the slice of skin screams at you to open up some more?

Ever feel like trash because you did everything right for such a long time and that time came to an abrupt halt because you couldnt control you?

Ever?

Pomegranate · 09-12-2010, 02:08 PM

In the past, God yes! Mainly when I was more 'recovered'. Some of them still yes. It is an absolutely awful, horrible, shitty feeling but I think it is maybe a necessary step towards feeling better. Even slips ups are part of it. I am sorry you are there at the moment. I think everyone will experience at least some of those at different parts of their life/illness/recovery. Sorry I'm not much help.

Thinking of you and hoping things feel a little easier soon *leaves some hugs just in case* xx

ontheverge · 09-12-2010, 08:27 PM

Yes to everything you posted but what really hit home was:

Ever want to hit someone for loving you?
Ever want to hit someone for hating you?

Ever feel that you are the only one who knows how you feel?

Yes...constantly. I'm sorry you are feeling this way right now. I tend to get like this where even "good things" or "progress" piss me off. Like no matter what I won't be good enough. So I get that. Sorry I don't have any advice :/ I just wanted to let ya know I can relate and I hope that things improve for you.

pea soup · 10-12-2010, 08:15 AM

yes :(

Wannabfree · 10-12-2010, 08:37 AM

Yes i have and still do feel those things regularly - it sucks :(

WalkingContradiction · 10-12-2010, 09:41 AM

All the time

misskitty112 · 10-12-2010, 09:23 PM

Sounds like my life.
I have no words, but I read, and I'm here if you need me <3

lizliz · 11-12-2010, 02:23 AM

Yeah - same here. I have felt that way many times. It sucks. But we're all in the same boat - we've all felt that way before - and we can make it through the turmoil - through the emotions - because we are strong. :)

Rain Keeper · 13-12-2010, 06:30 AM

I am hurt tonight. My mind has played tricks on me. I am ashamed.

He wont be home until the 21st now. I have scheduled a meeting with my counsellor for tomorrow night. I had texted and she called me back. I havent seen her since I think September. I was doing well. I still am...just a lil hiccup. Burns not cutting...hurts bad though...*cries*

Pomegranate · 13-12-2010, 06:41 AM

*leaves some tissues*

I think you have made the right decision to see your counsellor. You are right, it is just a hiccup and doing things like seeing your counsellor helps to make sure it stays as that. Is there anything you could do that would help between now and when you see your counsellor?

ˈsäləˌterē · 14-12-2010, 03:05 AM

That's exactly how I'm feeling right now too Rain. I'm prayin for ya hon!

Merc · 15-12-2010, 01:25 AM

Am proud of you, dear FRainy.
Not too long ago you wouldnt have called her. I truly hope she can (has?) helped you out and given you some ideas to keep safe while he is away.
Can you try to plan something with the kids? Having another sleepover or have them over to bake some xmas goodies they can take home, or??
Love ya my dear FRainy
xxx