i.cant.handle.this

[oreosandcookies]

Last night I went to a party and got really drunk. When I am drunk I have found that I seem the unravel emotionally or I dont have as much control over them. My friend was telling me how it wasnt fair to my date how drunk I was etc. I already felt like **** and scum-- so I s.i'd. I spent the night with my friend and she found out about it. I mean she already know I have a problem with s.i. but she found out that I s.i'd in her room.

Now she is talking about how if I dont get help (therapy) for what happened (she said its called sexual assault but it wasnt bc it was my fault) a couple of weeks ago then she was going to tell my mom about it.

On top of this, I havent eaten in like quite a while and what little I did eat I threw up because I drank a lot. I frequently keep freaking out and cant control my breathing, if i dont control it-it gets out of control and i cant catch my breath. (this has happened multipule times today) I have been in bed all day. I am freezing cold- it kinda feels like a fever. I feel extremely light headed and like I am not here, like a daze in a sense. I just got a diet coke that way I can get some sugar into my system so I dont pass out. I feel awful. I was going to get something to eat but I feel extremely nauseated and I just dont want to eat. I am afraid if I eat a meal I will purge it later.

I have a final tomorrow and my friend that helps me is moving back home early tomorrow morning. I dont know what to do but I feel like I could possibly do something really bad, I just want to feel better. I have been napping and sleeping all day- I am still tired. I could crawl in bed right now and just forget studying and go to sleep.

someone, please help me.

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

Hi Oreosandcookies, I love your name btw. I like oreos and cookies too ;)

Hmm.. assault? I can really relate to your post if its any consultation. I have had problems with abuse off my Dad for years and years and am currently taking my own Father to court for assault.

When we have been treated badly, I think it is easy to assume we feel as if we did something to make our abuser treat us unkindly. The thing is, no matter what we do, it is never, not once, our fault. Is it a young girls fault (speaking hypothetically here) because she did not listen to her Father that she gets hit or swore at, etc.

No. It is never our fault. I know you feel guilty about what ever happened between you and this person but you should know that whatever happened, how the hell could it be your fault?

He controls his actions, you control yours.

Also I extremely empathise with your eating disorder coming back whilst all of this hulabulloo is going on, I have had bulimia/EDNOS for 2-4 years, and am finding it difficult to manage when all of this is going on also.

Do you feel better after posting? Can you try and look at rational solutions to all of this? Because I am sorry to say, as much as you starve/purge/binge/self harm/ w/e, it may numb the pain, but it wont solve anything at heart.

If you did press charges against this person for sexual assault, do you think it would make things better or worse? What would happen in the long outcome, define all the various possibilties>

Try your best to think rationally here, I know it's not easy

Here for you sweetheart
Hannah <3
xxxxxx