Doctors note, contains Si

[Bulldog]

Hey

I don't write often as I pretty crap at this sort of thing and just look over the threads every now and then, but I'm so angry at the moment I can't sleep but when i do finally drop of the dreams follow on my anger and anxiety about this issue and I don't know what to do about it.

I went to the nurse to seek help for pain from an SI incident that happened in May but will probably be on going for some years to come, and she called a doctor in for his advice, he seemed pleasant and I was being quite defencive so I was just making a joke of the whole thing (so maybe he thought I was just taking the piss and wanting attention)

So he sent me to X-ray to be sure If it was the SI causing pain because he said it could also be Tendinitis and he wanted to see I I needed the SI to be operated on (surgeons don't want to operate unless really need to as may cause more problems than SI has)

Anyway I didn't want to be signed off work so I phoned and asked for a amended duties form to be filled in so my work were aware I was in pain when using stairs (before they forced me to be signed off work again trough Occupational health) I thought he would just put Tendinitis because they are still waiting for the results of the X-ray to be sent to the practice, but NO he put Deliberate self harm! how can I hand that into my work, why would he put that even! I feel like he is mocking me, plus every time I go to the practice one of the receptionists is very jumpy when she hears my voice, I think she knows to much about me, I can tell by the way she looks at me and jumps if I go into my bag or she turns when she hears my voice and she is not facing me.

What do Doctors put on your Sick lines? He is not my usual doctor and he would have put something vague but yet not a lie.

I just don't know why he would be so cruel and try to hurt me so much, I am so angry at him and I want to confront him but I don't know how to go about it, obviously I have run through may scenarios over the weekend while they are closed (kinda glad they are as may have made a fool of myself or got my self into trouble) but I don't know If I can talk to him about it without getting upset, I also don't want to go running to my usual doctor and maybe cause trouble between them, but I don't think I can leave it be as I am constantly thinking about it and winding myself up to the point I have done some pretty serious SI over the weekend and now don't feel I can go to anyone for help as they all seem to be laughing at me and gossipping.

I know I'm stupid for doing these things but what do I do now, feel like I will have to wait until I pass out from infection or pain before I can seek help, I don't want to waist time and money and I don't want people to see me as the freak I know I am!

Wow that was more writing than intended sorry. xxx

[startingagain]

Go back and tell them how you feel. I don't know if they can change it though. I once didn't use a sick note that I was given, but don't know the rules about them.

The receptionist could just be a jumpy person with their own issues. I doubt they would work in a surgery if they were bothered by people self harming. You certainly won't be the only person they will have met who does.

[Merc]

Just wondering what happened with it all??

[Bulldog]

Hey,

Sorry for not replying earlier,

I got an appointment with my usual Dr as was not in a good place and didn't know what to do with myself he re-wrote an amended duties form for me, i didn't make a big issue of it while seeing him as he had just squeezed me in, but he did say the other doc was just calling a pot a pot so he maybe didn't realise how damaging this note could have been.

Although when I went back in to see my Dr the other receptionist was on and she also was a bit off and her hand was shacking on the mouse so still think there is something going on there.

Still can't bring myself to heal completely as don't want to keep repeating the cycle of healing then harming as am fed up of it and the embarrassment of waisting time of surgeons and A&E staff etc. Getting rather smelly and painful though so gonna have to put some serious thought in to getting seen to, have tried to secure some support for after I have been for help (to help me not repeat the cycle) but have had no luck yet and I feel like no-one understands how important it is to me to try and guarantee not ending back in the cycle again