My anxiety is getting worse. I've always had an anxiety disorder, but it didnt really affect me much. When I was younger it did, going to school, I definetly have a social anxiety. But by the end of high school, freshmen year of college it wasnt a huge deal. Now (sophomore year) its just horrible. Today I missed a class, avoided all my friends, I couldnt even make myself ride my horse, I just saw him for a fee minuets and went to hide in my bed. It's a combination of the anxiety and depression. And I just got into a relationship, which isn't serious. Its only been two days, but its so frightening and I dont understand why. I've dated before. Maybe I have trust issues, but I trust my friends, I trust this guy and I know he wont do anything, but the emotional aspect is terrifying. I cant get the words out to explain how I feel and I'm sure this post makes no sense, but....I tried to explain to my close friend who is the only who knows about my SI and such, but...she just doesnt understand and I can't explain. Heck I dont understand. Ugh sorry for the ramble, I'm just a mess
Trekkin
You will find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true-Spock
I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake. ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
Big hugs! Have you got some help with your anxiety? I have a support worker who helps me with my anxiety. She takes me out and looks at the anxiety spectrum with me to try and help me understand it and work on getting out more. It's early days with the relationship so just take it slowly. There is no need to rush into anything. I think SI is one of those things that is extremely hard to understand unless you do it yourself. My friends don't really understand either and it can be frustrating but I suppose as long as they're there for you to talk to when you need to, it doesn't matter too much if they understand the SI or not as long as perhaps they have some understanding of depression and anxiety.
I agree , with alot of mh issues people dont understand them, as you have to go through it , and you cant actually see the problem you just know from the feelings thoughts etc but if i had a broken leg people would be more understanding as they can see the x rays and see the leg in a pot. So i guess thats were the misunderstanding is. Plus there alot of stigma ( sp?) around mental health problems.
I know its hard , though i have found my horse to be amazing support, just been up at the yard with her makes me happy though when i was really depressed i felt so guilty for not riding her on a lovely summers day or when i would get a friend to give her a haynet, her tea and some more water as i couldn;t stay anylonger, more i didn;t have the energy.
Anxiety wise I feel much better, that episode lasted a day and then, idk now it is managable. I'm still nervous, but not....I can function, I dont have to FORCE myself to get through the day. Thank you for the support, it means a lot.
lauren thank you for understanding what I mean about my horse. He is my whole world, but sometimes I just cant...
I'm at school right now so support a little iffy, I'm calling my doctor back home today.
You will find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true-Spock
I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake. ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
