What should I tell her?

Zedebee · 28-08-2007, 01:22 PM

I'm going to try and summarise this in as short a paragraphh as I can.

Basically I was an inpatient on a psych ward for about 2 months this summer and have only recently been let home. I'm on medication, which is doing nothing for me except for possibly making things worse. I'm in increased self-destruction mode and it would all seem hillariously funny if I had the ability to 'feel' anything.

My care co-ordinator that I'd been seeing before being taken into hospital is still seeing me regularly now. But, when I saw her last I told her how I didn't want to be helped because I've no intention of living for much longer. She then said that was fine and if that's what I wanted then I'd be discharged from the services and I wouldn't have to see her again. I'm not quite sure how I should react to that. On the one hand it'll mean there's no guilt there if I DO do something stupid because it won't necessarily be her responsibility etc. But on the other hand it just feels weird that I'll suddenly be abandoned, just like that.

I don't know what I'm asking for from this thread. I feel like a hypocritical 'attention-seeker' or something. I'm seeing her again tomorrow and I'm just so...confused about what to do. Should I just let her discharge me or should I tell her I've changed my mind and continue wasting her time by being stubborn and unco-operative?

Can you see what I mean? I hope I make sense. This is so stupid....
I'm sorry.

Raindrop · 28-08-2007, 01:53 PM

That is not stupid. I think you should tell her you changed your mind. I don't know the whole story between the two of you, but you know... if you do decide to hurt yourself, at least you could still talk to her about it. I know it can seem hard sometimes because the situation is so frustrating and angering, but why don't you try to be more co-operative? You say you think you are wasting her time? So why not try to be open to what she has to say? Again.... I don't know that whole story of your relationship with this woman. This is just my opinion. I'm sorry if I wasn't much help...

Voldemort · 28-08-2007, 01:53 PM

I know what you mean. I really do, it's like you want the idea of help? If that makes sense.

Anyway, I guess it depends on what you actually want - do you, in the long run, want to feel better, happier and try to get on with life or do you want to give up? And by that, I mean, really give up. So much so that you're more afraid of living than you are of dying. If there's just one part of you, no matter how small, that wants to beat it then I suggest you stay with her. There may come a day when you want to use her for your benefit instead of just seeing her out of habit.

The Midnight Crazies · 29-08-2007, 10:22 AM

Well if you really don't want help, the best thing you and this care coordinator can do is indeed discharging you, so you won't waste tax money anymore being uncooperative and stubborn.

Marte

Zedebee · 29-08-2007, 11:36 AM

Yeah I guess you're right. I've not told her I've changed my mind. She's working through the process of discharging me. Thanks to those who replied.

The Midnight Crazies · 29-08-2007, 10:00 PM

Wait, I missed the 'I've no intention to live any longer' and your therapist reacts 'oh that's fine' ?!

I think it's a good idea to get rid of her, yes. Heh...

Anyway if you really changed your mind, I'm sure the door to any mental health center or anything will always be open.

Marte

jessye · 04-09-2007, 08:07 PM

Maybe instead of being completely discharged you could get a referral to a different care co-ordinator if thats possible. You need support from someone who is going to be patient. Pretty much anyone in your position resists treatment to a degree but it is their job to help. They can't just abandon you. Usually if you pose a significant risk to yourself they would get you help whether you wanted it or not.

The fact that you're asking what to do shows that there is a bit of you that needs to get better and learn to love life and yourself again. Its not your fault that you're suffering from mental illness and I know from being where you are that when you're in such a state you're not really in the best position to be judging whether or not to accept or refuse treatment.

Its the illness and the constant pain and trauma of struggling to get better without feeling like you're getting any better that makes you want to just give up. Successful treatment will mean that you will eventually recover and this will never be a dilemma again. Just because the process is so difficult is no reason to resist those who are trying to help you and deny yourself treatment.

Half the battle is accepting help. Otherwise it will continue to be a frustrating battle of wills and you will end up back in hospital or worse.

Zedebee · 04-09-2007, 08:22 PM

That's exactly it. My biggest problem seems to be allowing myself to accept the help.
For now, she's sticking with me and she's spoken to my doctor bout her concerns about me, who then wanted me to go back into hospital but I was being stubborn and wasting even more time.

Right now, I think I just need to give myself a huge shake and just accept the help 'cause sitting here destroying myself and driving myself insane isn't doing anybody any good...