Contains ED - im stuck.... help?

finding.my.wings · 21-11-2010, 10:21 AM

So here the thing i went to mercy ministries ( a christian residential program). i went there becasue i dont want a life where SI and Ed and Ods are the big things that take over me. i went becasue i want to recover and be free, i didn't get to finish the program as i had to leave for non compliance to expectations.

Now im home and ive not SIed since leaving the program and ive not wanted to which is great and im really pleased. Im not going to say im cured cos i dont think i am- i think it will take more time then this. I left the program because i kept hurting myself. its stupid really- i tried so hard not to hurt myself there and i did... but now im home its like it never was a problem.

Now im home though the Ed stuff has come back up. while i was away i was on a meal plan and had to eat at set times etc.i thought that while i was away i was getting this under control but it appear that i haven't. Since ibe been home ive struggled eating at normal times and even eating normal healthy food. Prior to coming home a friend whose been heaps supportive told my housemates/flatmates that they were not responsible for me which i think they took as not to help me cos im to help myself so i feel like i cant tell them that im struggling. So im stuck.

AND i dont think its big/serious enough to warrant me posting in the Ed forum. Normally- like in the past i would go and talk to someone(supportive friend) but since i went away -three months ago and i didn't finish the program- i dont feel like i can talk to this person either.

Margo · 21-11-2010, 12:20 PM

Hello,

Firstly there is praise to be had regarding the fact that you took possitive steps towards recovery by going on this program! So well done!

Secondly programs like this are great as short term fixers. However, the real work starts when you come off the program, and successful programs provide after care support because this is the time when things are hardest. We can all sit in a safe environment and be regimented into routine and cossetted by a bubble of positivity and support. Alas it is often when you leave these safe envorinments that you struggle, because you are effectively left alone unless the proper support is put around you.

There's a huge positive in the fact that you havent harmed. Perhaps Whilst in the program you kept harming because you are of free will and you were in some way rebelling?

Im saddened that they stopped your time there. I am concerned that places like this that puport to be helpful under a "christian banner" can be so unforgiving at times. The Hypocracy really does overwhelm me at times. however thats a different matter all together.

As i have said the real work starts when you come out and therefore, NOW is the time you need the most support! Now really is the time to ask friends to keep you on the straight path!

Before you may have said " i really need help cus im not coping", but now you can say " i really need your support to keep myself in this state of recovery". By asking like this you are enforcing a positive approach to your condition. you are askin friends and family to keep you well and not to just see you through another day.

I cant advise on the ED because i know nothing of it, but i think you shuold be a little gentler with yourself and try to see that you have made rather large leaps to try and overcome this. It takes time.

Please remember that now really is the time you need the most help and support!

take care

Matthew

finding.my.wings · 23-11-2010, 09:15 AM

Posted in ED forum now too thanks.

crazykat · 23-11-2010, 02:39 PM

You did really well to take steps in getting better by going to this program, I am just sorry to hear that your time was cut short there. This does not mean your path towards recovery has to stop through, if anything let this be the motivation for you to keep fighting.

Fight because you deserve it. You deserve a better life for yourself, a life that is free from an ED, self harm and other negative things. Do you have any professional support? If you don't then ask for it from those around you and perhaps make an appointment with your doctor as it is really important you have some support around you.

In regards to the ED, would it be helpful to work with someone to draw up a meal plan and also putting it into a routine. Also ask your friends for encouragement to keep going. Remember the reasons why you applied to go to the mercy program in the beginning and use that as goals to work towards. You can do this, take care
Kat xxx

Sigma · 23-11-2010, 03:30 PM

Could you talk with your friends about what would be helpful? Some specific things they could do which would help you, but not put them in the position of 'taking over' (would you like copmpany at mealtimes? or activities such as a 'house evening' scheduled once a week - my housemate & I used to have a movie night Friday nights which was fun). I would have thought that asking them to help in some specific way is a way of taking responsibility for yourself.

finding.my.wings · 25-11-2010, 09:27 AM

Ok, thank you all for your replies.
i can see that you are correct Matt in saying that the real hard work begun when i left the program. The only hard part in it all is that i left a lot earlier then i was meant too but everything has a season. And thank you for you're kind words regarding my not harming.

Kat: thank you for saying this 'Fight because you deserve it. You deserve a better life for yourself, a life that is free from an ED, self harm and other negative things'. I think i am going to write it out and stick it on my wall.

Tokoloshe: i am going to talk to my friends- i just have to get thins together in my head before i try to say them.

clear_skies · 01-12-2010, 11:30 AM

Congratulations on not self-harming for so long. That's progress of which you should be very proud!

I don't know much about EDs, so I don't know if I can say much about that. But is there somebody else you can speak to? You mentioned you're hesitant about contacting an old friend...do you have any other professional support? A good support network (and honesty on your part) is essential to the recovery process. It seems that although you're struggling, you do want to get better, so I hope you have/can find this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninjapenguin

Im saddened that they stopped your time there. I am concerned that places like this that puport to be helpful under a "christian banner" can be so unforgiving at times. The Hypocracy really does overwhelm me at times. however thats a different matter all together.

The programs Mercy Ministries run have actually come under widespread condemnation with allegations of abuse and neglect particularly in Australia (some centres have actually been shut down and businesses have stopped supporting them). A quick internet search will show you about all that. Point being - don't feel bad for not completing the program. From the sounds of it you've done well so far and that program was just a small stepping stone in your recovery.

As Matthew said - try to be gentle on yourself.

All the best.

crazykat · 01-12-2010, 05:22 PM

Glad you found that comment helpful and I hope it helps remind you each time you look at it. You will get through this. How are things now?

Merc · 03-12-2010, 12:56 AM

Sorry to not have replied sooner...but I had nothing to say that hasnt been said...and probably better than i could have anyways!

just wondering how you are doing now? Have you been able to speak with your friends? i hope so.
I also hope you now have some support in place...?

Kat is very right; you deserve sooo much better, you truly do.
xxxx