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ok why is this happening and how do i stop it?
Ok dont know whether this is the right place to post this please feel free to move.
I've always been quiet, polite and pleasent in most peoples opinion. Until recently though of last week mainly, the last time i was acting like this was in school when i was being abused. Im being not rude but just truthful to staff and some patients (not like really mean) and disruptive, arguing (not full time just answering back to peoples comments thats my idea of arguing i dont mean screaming at them) and being a bit blunt at times. Like today a stupid **** of a support worker said 'but meg going home is a good thing isnt it?' my reply was 'what the hell if you knew anything about me you would know it certainly isnt, i dread every minute of the day to my return home its hell to me, i never wanted to leave! And i've been broken ever since' I said that infront of everyone.... which is unlike me completely and was innapropriote infront of other patients also making other inappropriote coments. Also reacting irrationally to someones coment (i got angry with someone who said i looked cute.. they were being polite because i look totally unkempt as i dont see the point in fussing over myself) I dont mean to do this and i dont know why im doing it i have an idea.. because im so hurt, angry and upset im impulsive and do things i regret. I was similar to this before (i.e. in school) but i just dont know why the hell it happens, i dont understand it!? Why does it happen its so out of character for me and im scared that i will say something really hurtful and will regret.. i see one of my 'mates' at the unit giving me odd looks showing she doesnt understand. I want it to stop but first off i dont know why its happening and how the hell do i stop it? Im going to apologise in group therapy next week but what if it carries on? An apology will seem just for show if i act the same afterward.
Please very confused soul here, sorry i've posted again, would appreciate anything, take care everyone xx
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