Advice on Treatment- bipolar II &/ bpd & treating episodes as they happen?

dollpart · 13-11-2010, 11:26 PM

Hi everyone,

*waves* I'm Bex, I used to use this site a lot, stopped for a while and have been kind of skirting around the forums for a while thinking about posting and never really making it... so, Hi.

Posted this on Mental Health too, but I thought I'd add it here.

This is kind of a general question, I'm just wondering about what other people have found helpful (or not) in similar situations because I'm not really sure where to go from here. I have had mental health issues for about 10/11 years (23 now) including pretty severe self-harm. In the past I've been diagnosed with Major Depression and it's been suggested I have BpD, and more recently Bipolar II. I've tried a lot of different medications- SSRIs, MAOIs, tricyclics, mood stabilisers, anti-psychotics... and partly because I haven't always been very responsible, partly because of side effects etc, I have changed medication a lot. I've kind of come to terms with maybe never being "better", just "treatable"...

Last year I moved away, I thought a bit of distance would help me "grow up & sort myself out" (bad idea- it failed). I had a fairly disruptive hypomanic episode, followed by fairly severe depression and paranoia. Then I was "fine". I moved back here to finish my degree and started taking a mood stabiliser but due to a medical f*-up, I ended up unmedicated and had another pretty serious bout of depression made a lot worse by alcohol abuse. During it I was violent, often drunk, low, and really hard to be around. It lasted quite a long time and because of the alcohol, the quetiapine i was given was of limited use. My new psych. says it is up to me whether to take medication or not (?!) and since she read all my notes from when I was a teenager, she suddenly has "difficulty diagnosing" my current situation. I have also started going to counselling (whole other thread in the making) because if these problems are recurring, I guess it's irresponsible to keep ignoring them.

So I guess my question is- what kinds of treatments have other people found helpful? Does anyone go for the whole "treat episodes as they happen" method? And if so- how does this work, how do you prevent them from getting too severe before you can get help? Is talking useful? Is CBT? I know different things work for different people, just... interested and at a little bit of a loss after so long trying to solve this.

Sorry for the huge long back-story... and thanks for any replies.

*also- i found paroxetine pretty helpful but because of a history of unstable moods/ brief hypomania, i'm not allowed any... any thoughts?

dollpart · 14-11-2010, 11:34 AM

Also I should mention, I am trying especially hard now because I moved in with my girlfriend about 6 weeks ago. We have been together just over a year and she's been incredibly supportive even when I least deserved it, and if anything else happens I risk losing her. So although part of me thinks I'm fine now, I don't need help right now, there's always this undercurrent of not trusting myself, remembering how I've become unwell seemingly out of the blue at different times. I can't be selfish- but is it worth being on medication when I feel OK?

Margo · 14-11-2010, 01:25 PM

Not being Bi-polar i cant help you with that part.

The hardest time to deal with Mental health problems regardless of diagnoses is when you start to feel better. THAT is the time to put in the serious work and effort. I get the feeling that when you get some respite you stop treatment and all is rosey until the next episode and it knocks you back a little further each time.

Perhaps now in making this post you are starting to see that this pattern needs to change. All of the methods you mention can help, but finding the right one takes time and then you gotta keep with it.

The only way you can learn to cope and recognise thngs early enough to intervene, is to keep learning and practicing. We get knocked off the horse many many times during recovery and its really hard and demoralising to keep getting back on. However, its important to keep on trying, even when there seems little or no point. Switching between treatments and places and studies and all kinds of distractions only work short term. I think you know this and i think it really is starting to dawn on you.

If it is starting to dawn then you just made one of the biggest steps to recovery.

Your treatment, in whatever guise, does ultimately fall down to your own responsibility. This doesnt mean that you do it all yourself. No, you will get the help, and the help is out there, but you have to want it and try to help those trying to help you also. Thats your responsibility to your docs and to yourself. This is why docs give you a choice about taking meds. They cant force you and if you keep fighting against them and not following through the courses then there is little they can do in the end.

Good luck with your recovery.

Matthew

dollpart · 14-11-2010, 01:46 PM

Thanks a lot for your post.

You're right-it's when I feel better that I start to recognise the patterns again. But when I feel better, I always pretend that this time will be different, that it will never happen again, or I will have learned to prevent it. And maybe because a lot of my problems started quite young, I always associate them with being somehow immature, as if I could just grow away from them- hence moving around, changing jobs, life plans, relationships, treatments... all just attempting to get away. For the same reason- because I started treatments young- I always struggle not to see them as something I need to fight against, and I know that's not very healthy.

You're very right about taking responsibility- it's what I'm trying to do now and it's maybe only now that I have a bit of distance from the last episode that I can really think up a course of action. I'm maybe a little scared people won't understand why I am asking for meds etc when I seem OK. Does that make sense?

Margo · 14-11-2010, 01:57 PM

Yes it does make sense and let me say this that im 40 soon, and i stuggle to make sense of all of this. How in gods name can a child do so? If it were so easy to make sense of then why are there thousands of members here and thousands of posts? You arent supposed to have the answers. Just have a willingness to try and get help finding them.

If you have grown up with illness for the formative years of your life how can someone so young know how to be well?

Many of us try to run from our problems, but its funny because we can travel the globe running, but we carry our head with us wherever we go. the secret is to stop running away and start moving towards whats inside our heads.

You can do this. But not on your own.