Contains Suicide - help?

[riley.]

i know i don't post here very often any more but i'm struggling to know where to go. nows the sort of time i'd consider calling the samaritans if there weren't two other people in my room sleeping and i didn't think the sams would think i was more crazy than i am for saying whats going on in my head
i think i am truly losing it... like 100% losing it. i know the things that are happening at the moment are not right
i'm ill
this is not normal behavior. i'm scared and confused and alone with the way i'm feeling. i can barely squeak my name at psych appointments these days without dissociating so not sure where to go.
things are being shown to me... like images flashing across my eyes... constantly. i know things are going to happen but i have no control over the harm that occurs to the body i occupy. things are getting stupid. rationally i know this and last time surgery was needed to fix the **** up that was made.
rationally i need to be together . i'm not rational.
or together.
injury is going to happen and i don't know how to stop it. things get crazy. its hard to explain. or know how to deal with. i don't know how it will happen, i just see the results. i don't want it to happen, it just does. i can't sleep. my chest is on fire with anxiety and anticipation as to why.when.
not coping at all
sw wants me in hospital ... probably the best thing. i'll admit that myself but logistics- i.e no one is here to look after the dog if i am... but then they wont be if i'm in hospital because of the harm either. ffs.
messymessymessy

[Mrs Sam]

aww becci, you can tell from your post how desperate you sound. im sorry things are so bad for you right now. i dont have much wonderful advice except it sounds like hospital might be a good idea for a little while.

with regards to your little doggies, when i went into hospital the crisis team offered to contact someone to look after my dog for me, maybe your SW could do the same?

I know how scary dissociation is too, i find if i touch textured things a lot, like those spikey soft ball things it helps a little. Also singing and doing very loud bold actions helps me a bit too but its quite tiring. Cleaning also grounds me.

*cuddles*

xxx

[Laura2.0]

could you ask your roommates to look after the dogs?

You are sounding like you are really desperate for help. I think hospital would help you.

[riley.]

i have a meeting with the social worker in the morning though feeling a little more that downhearted. i find it very difficult to ask for help and this time i really tried- however sort of got fobbed off with the 'just let the **** hit the fan and deal with it via a&e' thing.
i dont want to
i don't want it to have to get that far
i'm so scared of things... i just need ..help
going to attempt to ask whether there might be away that sw could sort out something for animals.
not really sure where i'm at at the moment, my head is throbbing and not really..on this planet just now.
thank you for your kind replies. i'm really desperate just now :(

[Merc]

That's terrible to feel "fobbed off" like that.

Have you spoken to your SW about your animals? I hope someone is finally listening to you, that you don't feel you have to harm even worse to get the proper help you need and deserve. If your animals were cared for, how would you feel about hospital? It sounds like a short stay could be really beneficial for you.

Thinking of you
xxx

[Mandimoo]

you need to look after you right now, is there any friends that could short-term adopt your dogs, until you're stable, then there's no reason not to get help when you need it. if you find it hard to talk at your appointments then print off your first post and show it to them. they need to see/hear it from you when you are coherent, logical and with it.