Lately I'm broody as hell. Which is both weird and stupid. I'm in a very shaky relationship with someone who isn't remotely father material, I have career plans that wouldn't fit in with child-rearing at all and I'm probably too overweight to safely carry a child anyway.
Plus I have BPD. Now, I have no intention of acting on the broodiness any time soon, but in time I do want to have a child. I had hoped to adopt but with my diagnosis it could be difficult to get an agency to accept me.
So what I'm asking is - do you think it's sensible for a mentally ill, especially a borderline, person to have a child? Have any of you got first hand experience of it?
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
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I think it would depend on how mentally ill you are. If you were diagnosed with BPD but the symptoms weren't impacting your life in a negative way or you could manage it well then you could have a child. If you were in and out of hospital because of frequent suicide attempts or severe self harming, for example, then it might not be the best idea.
To answer your other concerns, for some people there is no right time to have children, you just learn to adapt your life around the children that you have. I guess it all depends on your age whether you want to hold off having children or not.
i'm the same...very broody...i have bpd along with my partner and we both want kids, but are waiting till we are financially stable, but i hope to in about a year
EDIT- plus my fertility could be a bit decreased due to one ovary and my periods are only regualr due to the pill and i might have endometrious l (don't know the spelling), i have accidently got pregnant and miscarried after about 2ish weeks...so yer..
Last edited by DannieGirl : 08-11-2010 at 05:53 PM.
Reason: add on
I think it depends how ill they are. I don't exactly agree there's a *right* time. I mean with mental health problems you can have symptoms for the rest of your life, but no one in the world is problem free. No one is a 'perfect' parent, has 'perfect' health, etc. You get my drift.
Ideally the time to have children is when you feel you're at your most stable and are in a position to handle a child. Of course, it can be a different story when they're born. It's a complicated one but I definitely don't think having the BPD diagnosis should stop people having children full-stop. And people can recover.
If anyone ever told me I was unfit to mother a child based solely on my mental illness/BPD, I would be absolutely speechless. Partially livid, partially torn, and partially completely questioning everything I am.
However, I do think its best to be at a point where you feel your illness is manageable. Preferably with a loyal, understanding partner to pick up the pieces if things get a bit wobbly :P I know I'd like to have a child in a few years, and I'd like to be in a position where I've been off meds and stable for a while, as well as preferably married and in a good financial position. But that's just me...
I don't think its not sensible (I say it like that because sometimes I question if its ever sensible at all to have kids :P), so long as you can handle the responsibility- whether you can do this or not might not even be a part of your BPD. But I don't think BPD should be a primary reason not to adopt/have a child.
Wake me up before I change again
Remind me the story that I won't get insane
Tell me why it's always the same
Explain me the reason why I'm so much in pain.
You all make a lot of sense...It's a shame no BPD peeps who've actually had kids responded though.
I'm definitely not in a space, emotionally or financially, to have children now, but I do think that some day I will have just one. And when I do I hope that my issues won't be passed on to them and that I'll be balanced enough not to be a burden to them.
My partners sister was diagnosed with emerging borderline at 16 ish age and has gone on to have 3 children in a relatively stable relationship, albeit with imo a prick as the man doesn't appreciate her half as much as he should.
Anyway, she was very unwell and unsafe and children, for her, have given her an amazing focus and reason to keep safe and well, she hasn't self harmed since she had her first child and works bloody hard to give them a stable upbringing, something she never had. Her kids are happy and very intelligent, she does a lot to encourage their emotional development as well as giving them their basic needs.
I dont think it is a case of BPD = bad idea to be a parent, but for many people, if not most, it will be some sort of a challenge to provide all the things nesscessary to be a loving parent within a stable environment. It is a case of how you choose to deal with your situation and how ready and willing you are to commit to building a suitable foundation for a child to grow up healthily in. It helps if you have emotional support, but she [partners sister] has very little, so I guess if that were the situation it shows its not impossible.
I know someone else who has children with BPD. Her first was taken away from her for various reasons, though her BPD had got some things to do with it. She went on to have a second child and this child is still living with her and its dad as far as I know and she has changed things round for the most part.
I think it is a make or break for people with BPD, it will go either way and quite possibly to the extreme.
I guess the one thing I could imagine this would relate to is bringing up a child whilst going through severe postnatal depression, this sort of illness would give similar problems in raising a child however the duration is much reduced from BPD. A child needs to see healthy interactions between people and like with BPD a person with postnatal depression is usually withdrawn and finds little motivation for interaction with everyone around them.
