So I'm 7 months SI free tomorrow, right? But right now I just want to cut myself to bits (which I haven't wanted to do for a good 4 months or so) and starve myself because I'm disgusting and obese as my family delight in telling me.
I thought I was over these thoughts - why the hell do they keep coming back to slap me round the face in a "haha, loser" kind of way? I thought I was bloody recovered. I thought I was actually happy and not depressed but nooooooo it comes back to go "hah you suck" and make me feel ***** again.
*hugs you tight* I'm sorry you're struggling hun, has anything happened to make you feel like this? 7 months is such a fantastic achievement, and you should be really proud of yourself. It's hard to get rid of the feelings completely when you've used it as a coping mechanism for so long, but just because you want to cut doesn't mean that you're not recovered. Just keep fighting the urges hun, and they'll pass. Do anything to take your mind off how you feel because cutting isn't your answer hun. When you wake up in the morning and you make it exactly 7months, fighting tonight will have been worth it.
Hi Em,
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment. But you should keep reminding yourself that you're 7 months SI free. That is brilliant. You should be really proud of yourself for getting that far.
Please try not to listen to your family. You are not disgusting.You are not obese.You are not a loser. You do not suck.
You're going through a tough time at the moment with having such strong urges, but try to keep telling yourself that they are only urges and you dont have to give in to them. You have been really strong in stopping SI'ing for 7 months. You can get through this. Keep trying to distract yourself. Use whatever coping mechanisms you have used in the past 7 months to help you.
You can get through this. Just keep thinking that you will have made it to seven 7 months tomorrow.
Take care and stay strong.
*hugs*
Today I'll try to become more aware of alternatives that I haven't yet realised.
Although I have no control over other people's reactions or thoughts, I can change the way I react.
You have done so well to get to 7 months Em. During that time you must have had urges which you've overcome. What helped you then? Can it help you now? You're not disgusting or obese, you are a beautiful and strong person who has come through so much. Every journey to recovery has setbacks but whatever happens please don't be too hard on yourself. You can learn from anything that happens and use it to spur you on to further recovery.
I hope you're okay and that you reached 7 months but if not then that still doesn't negate everything you've learnt to get to that stage of recovery. You're doing fantastically!
Kiran
xx
I reached 7 months but I don't really feel much different. It's one of those silly things, you feel fine for ages (nice clothes or whatever) and then suddenly you just go "ughhh" and realise how actually disgusting you are. And hm, now I'm talking in the 3rd person about myself :/
Either way I made it to my 7 months and thanks for all your support. I guess I just hope that when I get to uni and have an unlimited gym pass plus the ability to cook my own food I'll be able to lose some weight, and that'll make me not want to cut as much. Or something.
Anyway ta for your responses, very much appreciated.
Well done! That really is a fantastic achievement! You really aren't disgusting I promise you that so please get some support networks in place for when you go to uni because you deserve to have a great time and you can't do that if you're ill.
*well done hugs*
Do you think you have done well to get to 7 months? Do you feel as though it is something you have acheived?? It's all well and good me telling you that I think you have done fantastically, but you have to believe it yourself for what I say to really mean something.
People have tough times in their life, it's just I guess, we have made life all the more challenging for ourselves by openeing up more ways of 'coping' and some really hurtful ways to punish and demostrate what we don't like about ourselves. That doesn't mean that you can't shake it, nor does it mean that you will get stuck in a rut; have faith in that.
Baby steps lovely and treat yourself [in whichever way a treat has meaning for you] for, what I think is, such a great acheivement.
You're gorgeous inside *and* out love... that makes you blessed in my eyes =P
Emmmm! *squishes you* Congratulations honey, that's a real achievement. I hope you realise that yourself. You deserve a big treat for it too :) Or a small one, whatever, as long as you recognise what a positive and wonderful thing you have achieved, and also continue to achieve one day at a time.
It's hard to love yourself, think good things about yourself, and it makes doing positive things a lot harder than they are already. I understand that. You only have to think back to what a bad place you were in before though, and I've seen your threads when you've been in bad places. Isn't it great that you're in a much better position now?
You also are not disgusting or obese. You are a beautiful young woman. I hope I get to meet you again! You really are lovely.
xo
Hey hun
Well done on 7 month, thats great! I think part of recovery is learning to ignore the thoughts as well as the actions. Your not a looser, youve proven that you can go 7 months, which is GREAT!!
Keep fighting hun. I know your not fat too ..
x
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Well done! That really is a fantastic achievement!
