Hello. I've just got something on my mind and could do with a friendly ear and an opinion on the matter if anybody's got one to share. And before I start I will be talking to my GP/Psychiatrist about this, but I'm not seeing them for a good while (Dec & Jan) so thought the next best thing was to talk about it on here before I drive myself (even more) potty!
I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist last week which I felt went really well. As ever I received a copy of the letter that is sent to my GP which as usual was completely accurate. There was however one comment which didn't upset me at all, but got me thinking about my... well, diagnosis I suppose - currently Major Depressive Disorder... I think. The comment is as follows:
"This does suggest a roughly monthly cyclical pattern to her mood and it will be interesting to see how this continues over time"
The comment is in relation to the mood charts/diaries I've been keeping for him since the beginning of September. Basically - mood was very low throughout Sept, improved drastically (in his words "really quite positive") for the first few days/week of Oct before declining again. I have noticed this happening for quite some time now but have only recently documented it with the use of a mood chart.
What's bothering me really is the word "cyclical". I mean, as far as I'm aware, depression is depression. You don't cycle in and out of it in the space of say, 1-3 months. I am aware of recurrent depression which is kinda cyclical I guess, but presumably that happens over a much longer period of time? Argh I don't know. I guess it's just got me questioning now more so than ever whether I have unipolar MDD or something else?
Wow, that was long! But I can't really talk about it with anyone so any sort of input would be gratefully received!
I suppose at the moment you fit the diagnostic criteria for MDD but I presume the Psychiatrist think it's worth keeping an eye on the cyclical side of thing to see if that changes anything. I'm obviously not a Dr but thats how I would interpret it.
I would say it's important not to read to much into it because stressing yourselves out about it isn't going to help you.
My last thing is what do you make of what your Dr said?
xox
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I wouldn't say I'm stressing over it really, although my post probably makes it sound as though I am! I'm just curious more than anything. It's not that I'm eager to get a diagnosis and slap a label on myself so to speak. But at the same time I do want to know what's going on so I can get the adequate treatment and learn how to help myself. It just takes such a frustratingly long time doesn't it!
As for what he said, well I agree with you on that it's something to keep an eye on. To be honest I've always complained about the fluctuations in my mood, but the fact that I presented him with my mood charts seems to have drawn his attention to it further and he has encouraged me to continue with them, which I will do.
I think I'm just really frustrated at the moment because whereas things have improved for me, I still can't seem to move on and make something of my life, this **** is constanly hovering over me and holding me back. And when I saw the word cyclical it just made me think well, if my mood is cycling then there's a possibility that it isn't just unipolar depression, you know?
Anyway, luckily for me I have every confidence in my Psych and have a very supportive GP so I'm sure between us we'll get to the bottom of it... eventually!
I know what you mean about wanting the right treatment, I want the same. My depression seems to come in cycles, definitely, but I've not yet received a diagnosis so I can't really comment a whole lot about this. Could the cycles be part of the recovery process... And then relapses.
Sorry, I'm probably not much help! Diagnosis' can be really confusing and vague at the best of time.
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I suppose, like most mental illnesses, depression is different for everyone. For some people it could be certain triggers that set it off and that there may be no pattern in when it comes and goes. For some people it could be cyclical. It could come at certain times of the year without fail and leave just as quickly.
As was said before, diagnoses can be confusing at the best of times, and I think they have made depression the most confusing as now there as many different types (mild, moderate and severe depression, MDD, Recurrent Depressive Disorder). I was diagnosed with mild to moderate depression but it doesn't feel that way, I think for me I become more emotionally depressed than physically.
Yeah, getting a diagnosis does seem to be a bit of a mind boggling experience at times!
I guess what's confusing me at the moment is that my mood fluctuates fairly frequently. I know that depression can be recurrent and therefore cyclical, but from what I gather you have pretty much constant depression for a number of months/years, then have a period of time in remission before you end up becoming depressed again at some point.
What I've been experiencing is different to that, I have never been in remission for starters and the fluctuations in my mood appear more often and last for shoter periods of time. Generally, I will be pretty low (suicidal thoughts, feeling worthless, low energy, reluctant to socialize, needing time off work etc) for about 1-3 months I guess. Then all of a sudden without any sort of trigger I will sort of 'snap out of it'. I have bags more energy, I'm more productive, more sociable, more optimistic, getting into silly/hyper moods, doing stupid things that I really shouldn't etc. This will last approximately 4 - 10 days, and then I just end up crashing back down into hideous depression again. It's extremely frustrating, especially because nothing triggers it, it just seems to happen of it's own accord.
Sorry, moidering on. Just well and truly fed up of it all at the moment. Grr, I wish they could just give you a blood test or a brain scan!
Unfortunately it's a long laborous journey to diagnosis. The mood charts should help figure it all out. Best of luck and hope you can get the right treatment soon :)
It is good that your psychiatrist is monitoring this, as there is always the posibility of other forms of depression as an eventual diagnosis. I understand the curioriosity and would say to keep monitoring it with your psychiatrist, so that you can avoid inadvertedly affecting your moods to fit one diagnosis or another - as that will be detrimental in the long term.
Cyclothmia and other diagnosis can fit in with the cyclical moods, but major depression can also have swings and round abouts of its own (so long as it is without a diagnosed episode of mania).
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
