I need help with an honesty dilemma...?

[TheOriginalPoser]

For most of my life, no, all of my life, i've never been honest with anybody about my life. What I really thought, how I really felt. And I was okay with that. But then, around age 14, I started to cut myself. Which quickly got worse, of course. Fortunately, I met someone, who finally felt... worthy of my trust. After I had been friends with them for a while, I decided I might try trusting someone, and tell someone of my... problem. They beat me to it. Dunno how to this day, but they knew. Which was cool.

So then... I've finally got an honest friendship. I told them my problem, they told me theirs, we helped each other out. And so we still do, among other things of course. So, a couple of the things we have in common here is we both like to help people, and neither of us is very open. So... myself, attempting to resolve the situation, set up a deal. I feel down, I call them. They feel down, they call me. 2way friendship. We get to help each other, and we get to be helped.

So it seems there's a bit of an issue, and people like you guys with an outside perspective may be able to help... please?

The issue is... I don't wanna bug them with my problems, they don't wanna bug me with theirs, and neither of us can stand it. I wanna help them, they need it. They wanna help me, I guess I need it.
But have you ever tried to tell someone about your new cut, just after they told you about their almost abusive sibling? Makes you feel terrible. Another issue. I'm trying my best not to be clingy, but those pep talks aren't working, so.. I either need to stop talking about it, or get clingy. Which is a problem. Cause I'll break the deal before I'll get clingy.

So... this all probably sounds really selfish, from whatever angle you look on it. What would you do in this situation, or suggest that I try, in order the keep things good? Thanks so much.

[TheShade1989]

I'm one of those ppl who hates tlking about my problems constantly, but also...needs to. I only have one friend really, and he's kwl with it and I trust him enough to tell him anyone, and vice versa. We both feel kinda guilty wen one of us tlks about our problems a lot, and neither us like tlking about ourselves. But...we're friends, and we help each other. I'm guessing your friend is happy to help you, and same with you. It might feel kinda bad, but that's how friendship goes. You help each other. Dont be thinking it's better to just stop telling them about your problems. They wanna hear it, I'm sure. So I cant give you any specific advice, but you just gotta try not to let it get to you or stop you frm tlking about things they can help with. It sucks even more to know that someone needs your help but has decided to stop asking for it, than it does to be clingy with someone who's there for you and you for them.

[The One Who]

I'll be honest. Relying on one person and one person only, is never a good thing in my opinion. Not only is it unfair on them (especially if they know you only have one person because they may then feel obligated to help even if they are not in a good place mentally, or busy, or whatever), it also narrows down your support network so much that you probably won't get help when you want it most.

I'm not saying you shouldn't talk about things, because it's good that you are. It's just that you need to be aware that your friend has their own problems and may not always be available to support you or talk to you. In the same way you may not always be available for them.

We all deal with problems differently, and what may seem trivial to someone could be impacting on their lives in a major way. Similarly there are people who experience horrific traumas but carry on in much the same way as before. We are all different, and just because something doesn't seem as bad, doesn't mean the person's difficulties are lessened.

[TheOriginalPoser]

Thanks guys. @shade You're right. I don't know what I'm gonna do about it but you're right.

@The One Who, Sorry, I probably wasn't too clear on that. We both know, that we can't fully rely on each other. And I know they've got their own problems. And I do believe that their problems are worse than mine, currently. So, I always try to keep that in mind as well. Thanks for your insight.

Well. I'll see what I can do. Thanks again.