I'm a bit new here to the forum, but have been dealing with self harm for about 13 years - in all of its guises, not just cutting. Recently I had a bit of a mini breakdown - serious panic and anxiety and major depression - that horrible almost catatonic, cant-physically-get-out-of-bed depression. Here's the thing, I'm back to work tomorrow, I've only been off for a little while, but I feel the need to explain to some of my work colleagues whats been going on - only I can't, I really can't - I feel like it would seem ridiculous to them, but I dont want to lie either? This may sound trivial, but I'm in a right pickle of a doozy about this one - meds are also make my brain all cloudy, maybe I need a weather person, any advice?
If your work is big enough to have a OH department I'd contact them. They should have counselling services and will be able to advise work if that is what you need.
Is it your work colleagues, not the managers? If it's colleagues then I usually stick to 'family issues' or 'some health issues' - not many have been rude enough to ask intrusive questions. If they do then 'it's a bit complicated' or 'it's a long story' and ask them how they're doing/if they've been busy/did they watch XXX on TV last night? usually redirects the situation.
Of course, sometimes honesty can be a good thing, if there are any colleagues you get on well with then saying you're experiencing depression at the moment can actually be a good thing - whenever I've risked it I've found the person I've spoken to has either experienced it themselves at some point or had a friend/family member aho has. Not that I've then cried on their shoulder, but finding that I was accepted and not judged was a huge help in itself. But I also realise it can be used against me, so I've only told colleagues I've known for a while and thought were trustworthy.
The managers/HR of course need to know more, but it sounds as if you've got that sorted?
Went back to work for one day, went to Occy health who were really supportive and have booked me onto a CBT course. Then the next day went very badly wrong, I ended up having a complete meltdown and upsetting my other half - she spoke to work for me and they were also v supportive. Have now been put on Lorazepam, I'm already on Fluoxetine, I just don;t know if I can face work at the moment. I'm getting paranoid and panicky just stepping out for a cigarette at my own home. I'm a bit lost, help!
Its not a bad idea. I've got to see the GP again next week so might wait tio see what she says and go from there?
I've got to be honest, I'm really struggling right now. I havent SI in so long, I'm alone in the house right now and it's getting really tempting. I'm sorry I dont want to be triggering or anything to anybody, I just need help right now. I dont want to end it all or anything, just need a release, does that make sense?
Thankyou, thanks to all for the advice. I've been signed off for another month and had my meds upped. OH have been really helpful and I'm now doing some CBT sessions with them which looks like it might be more beneficial to me than counselling. GP and OH advised me to "play it by ear" this month, so might look at doing a phased return over the next few weeks.
Sadly I've cut for first time in five years the other day. It helped short term, as always, but now I just feel like a total failiure, and worse, my other half isn't used to dealing with it - she's seen my old scars, but never known me to do it since we've been together. Not sure how to explain it to her as I'm struggling to make sense of even my own thoughts right now, let alone verbalise them.
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