Triggering (SI) - Ive messed everything up

mclaren · 26-08-2007, 01:39 AM

I dont even know where to start.

Today, my mood was good. ANd it got lower earlier on about hour ago. My best friend was online, and i was talking to her. but i didnt mention anything because i didnt want to make her sad before bed.

I hit rock bottom, and didnt know what to do. My mind went blank, and cut.

ive let my friend down, because i didnt ask for her hlep. Not only that, the webcam was on, and i didnt remember it was on. i know my arm was not in view, as it was under the desk, but i still messed up.

My friend, is the only friend i have. I dont even know what to do now. My moods low, and i feel horrible for what i have done but i dont know how to fix it.

It feelsl ike tears of blood are rolling donw my face again.

im at the point now, where i dont know hwat to do or say or go.

I know i am an awful person and i know im bad and horrible, but i just didnt mean to do it. i didnt mean to cut, i just did and now ive made everything much much worse, and the urge has not gone yet and im scared

of the lore · 26-08-2007, 04:13 AM

You're not an awful person at all. It's okay. Sometimes people slip up.
You're not bad or horrible. Find some distractions or coping skills, or someone to talk to. If you ever want to, you can PM me any time. -big hugs-

Chrissyann · 26-08-2007, 01:13 PM

You've just had a slip up hun. It happens in every recovery. I understand you feel bad for doing it, but try not to think about it now. Just focus on not cutting again. Try as many distractions as you can. Try not to feel bad because of not telling your friend, because if she's as good a freind as what she seems she wont be mad with you.

You're not awful, bad or horrible. You're just stuggling and used your old coping mechanism. There's nothing wrong with that so long as you don't let it get you down. Keep your chin up hun. You'll get there.

Take care
Chrissy
xxx

ImperfectMe · 27-08-2007, 01:04 AM

Your not awful at all, your so brave to even attempt recovery, I know I'm no where near even being able to try it.
Everyone slips up, don't let it stop you from stopping all together.
Good luck, take care.
xxx

mclaren · 27-08-2007, 01:41 AM

Thanks guys

i always seem to slip up alot but ive never done it in an awful way like i did.

My moods okay at the moment and has been all day so that is not so bad. I know when i have a mask on, i am stronger than when i have it off.

I go back to the CPN on tuesday. I can tell her i sh'ed but i cant tell her the number.

I now realise that i need help, though, im still scared incase they lock me up. Told my friend i was scared incase they slapped me in a straight jacket and put me in a padded cell but she told me they dont and its nice etc... took some convincing but she calmed me on that front :)

I hope everybody here is okay today :)

mclaren · 27-08-2007, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImperfectMe

Your not awful at all, your so brave to even attempt recovery, I know I'm no where near even being able to try it.
Everyone slips up, don't let it stop you from stopping all together.
Good luck, take care.
xxx

You can do it if you want to - its all about making the desision and keep going :)