Ok so i went to see my mental health coordinator / nurse today. Routine appointment.
i told her everything including hallucinations and that i'm very suicidal at the moment and feeling unsafe etc.
She asked whether i wanted to go to a psychiatric hospital. She obviously thought that i was a complete freak that i didn't say no. But i think it could keep me safe, which would be good.
i had to talk to a psychiatrist. i think because she can't refer me for anything without getting a second opinion first. He was pretty nice [nicer than she is!]
i have to go back tomorrow. Three o'clock. We're going to talk more then. And come to a decision as to what to do. They said they'll probably going to refer me to the team that deals with inpatient treatment, home treatment etc [i don't remember what they're called, HTD or something]
So it's far from definite but relatively likely that i'm going to go to a psyc hospital for a bit. Inpatient treatment.
i'm really really nervous about tomorrow. i'm nervous about the idea of going to hospital which is pretty scary. But i think i'm more nervous that they might not send me to hospital. i think i need this. i'm scared that they'll just decide i'm fine or something and leave me. Because i'm not fine. i'm not coping at all.
But yeah i guess i just wandered if anyone had any experiences or anything.
I don't have any experiences to share with you I'm afraid Hun, but I just wanted to add some vibes for you :)
I did work in a psychiatric hospital for teens briefly, and we had many depressed/suicidal kids in there and as far as I could tell it was a really nice hospital and the people were nice, and the patients looked out for each other in most cases. It was hard work though, the patients did try and harm themselves alot and we had to try and keep them safe. But I had to leave because I was having a mild mini breakdown myself.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
Again, I dont have any experience as i have always been an outpatient while i had depression. Though there was many times when i did lie ( stupid me) though i felt if i told the truth i would have ended up in hospital, i believe i nearly got transfered from my local to the psych hospital but i guess then it was a possiable (sp) option because of the reason i was in my local hospital. But saying that i lied because me, personally, i would have hated been kept safe. but thats me.
@Pomeranian: It's ok, vibes are very much appreciated =] . What you've said sounds really encouraging so thankyou.
@xlaurenx: i do actually want this. i definitely understand not wanting to be kept safe, i've felt that a lot, but for now i do, i don't want to die. i know that i need this [or something] and i do want to get better.
i don't know if this will definitely be offered to me. But i'm going to say that i do want them to refer me so then i'll just have to see what happens. Either way hopefully i'll get more help which i really need right now.
Last edited by weepingangel : 20-10-2010 at 10:59 PM.
Reason: more to say
I do have one bit of advice - don't let them section you if you can help it, go voluntarily :) I have heard that it makes things easier.
"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly.
“I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”
I had a short stay in hospital (7 days) for depression/suicidal thoughts etc pretty recently and although it sucked big style i found the best thing i got from it was just a damn good rest. I slept most of the time really and i think if it would be of benefit to you (which your care team obviously agree with) then go for it. I would say though is only take it as a last option as it can become too easy to use it as a sort of get out clause from life which isnt good.
I guess you won't get this in time, but good luck and i hope things work out and hospital helps you. I've been in a few times for depression/self harm and stuff and it was ok. I'm not sure what a crisis house is but hope its ok.
@dancintrulife: Thankyou. i'm home now but thankyou for your kind words. A crisis house is just a place you can go and stay for a bit if your feeling suicidal and are a serious risk to yourself. It's a place to rest and mostly to be safe. You don't get treatment or anything but it's a safe relaxed environment with friendly caring staff.
So i'm home now. Stayed there nearly 8 days. It was actually really nice. o think i might miss it a bit. i saw a doctor and my care coordinator today and they decided that because i don't have active suicide plans right now i could go home.
i'm seeing my care coordinator on Wednesday to work out what treatment i should have. Like psychotherapy, DBT etc. i'm feeling quite positive about it. But also nervous. i'm quite nervous about being home too.
