Ok so i don't know if this is weird or not. But when i'm feeling really depressed, which is pretty much all the time at the moment, i quite often get this really strong desire to cut off all my hair.
i think that what i'd do, if i were to feel really bad and actually do this, would be to first pull out quite a bit of my hair [that's not something i generally do] and then maybe set fire to my hair [over dramatic maybe but it fits in with how i feel]. And then cut off the remains. And then i think to even it all out and everything, and just because for reasons that i can't even explain to myself it feels right, i'd shave my head, really really short. That's what i want to do.
The thing is though is that i really like my hair. Having long hair is something that's really important to me. i just can't understand why i have such a strong desire to do this.
i mentioned it to my gp who i see for depression and such and she wondered if i felt that i needed to punish myself for something. i don't know. This feeling's just bothering me quite a lot. i feel crazy [i also feel really silly posting this]
I've felt like this when I am really angry and distressed. I pull my hair out a lot and get frustrated when the clumps aren't big enough and I guess I want to get a pair of scissors and chop it all off.
Thankfully I have never done it, my hair hides my fugly face. I need it, and its the only bit of me I vaguely like too.
I dont know what to say, but dont feel alone, you are certainly not. xxx
I feel like this when I get depressed as well! It's been a recurring thing for years. I read in some trashy magazine (reliable source, much?) that people often identify cutting their hair/changing their hairstyle with a new beginning. I have a feeling they were talking about Britney Spears and her head-shaving, which I guess fits in with the whole depression/hair thing.
About a month ago, I finally did cut my hair quite drastically (though at a hair-dressers, not myself) and for me it's actually been a really positive experience. But I think that's partially because in the last couple of months I have been getting better, so the hair thing wasn't quite so impulse...
And don't feel silly! I always kind of felt alone with the whole hair-cutting thing, so it's nice to know I'm not :)
i'm sorry that you've both felt like this too. But it is good to know that i'm not alone.
With me it is definitely a self destructive thing. i think it's just another way to hurt myself, to destroy myself a bit more in a new way.
i feel it really strongly tonight. i'm just feeling really sad. And sort of angry. Self destructive.
i guess it would be like a life change. But i don't think it would be a positive one. Unless i was at a place where i was low enough that it triggered me to turn my life around or whatever. i don't know.
i actually do cut my hair when i get like this. you aren't alone.
in a way, it has helped me cope in a positive way, it is hair, it will grow back and be ok, and usually by the time it grows back the situation is better.
situations, just like hair, are always changing and growing.
i am really scared right now. i do not understand what's going on inside my head at all. But it doesn't really matter. Thankyou for your encouragements. i am determined not to give in and cut it off tonight. i would so so hate it. It still feels so stupid that i want to do this, when it's so not what i want.
If you've had issues with self abuse in the past, then I'd definitely think it has something to do with that. Stay strong....I know you can fight it <3
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A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
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I know how you feel. I adore my platinum hair, although I've had really strong urges to go dark brown, which I know wouldn't suit me and is a hair colour I really wouldn't like on myself, so I wonder why I want to do this as well. But then I have a distorted self-image, so maybe that's due to this.
Thankyou for your support. i still have all my hair so so far so good. i am still wanting to do this though. i might go and have a shower in a bit so my hair at least looks nice which might help a bit. i don't know, the urge is getting stronger. It feels like an attractive option. To just shave it off really short, so i have literally no hair. And then allow it to grow again. i would just hate it so much. My hair's pretty damaged from dying it [my hair's blue] but i love it and i'm trying to grow my hair at the moment as well. This just doesn't make sense. Thanks again. Hugs.
I have had these thoughts and urges for a few weeks. I ended up acting on these on friday night/saturday morning. It didn't make it any better. I now have uneven hair with bald patches. My wig arrived this morning. Please talk to someone if you ever think you are going to do this. It has ruined my life - my mum took me out of uni and now never leaves me alone. I feel ugly and disgusting. Please get some help. My nurse told me there are pills you can take to stop negative thought patterns. Sorry for the rant but I really don't want anyone to end up like me.
I totally get where you are coming from. When I'm stressed or upset I will physically grab a chunk of my hair and pull it out. If I'm not happy with the amount I have pulled out, I get this strong desire to chop it all off short. I've started university and have finally decided to act on this desire... I'm not cutting it by myself but I am going to the salon tomorrow to get them to do it, cut it not TOO short but like above my shoulders.
=]
I do think cutting hair short starts with a desire for a new beginning. It explains why so many women go short when starting a new job, breaking up with a partner etc...
I agree with the others, talk to someone if you have a strong desire to shave your head, and if you STILL want to cut your hair I suggest going to the hairdressers to at least talk about it. DO NOT do it yourself. I cut my hair to my shoulders once, but only one side of the hair... I did it when I was 11 on an impulse and had to have to rest of the hair evened out. It was really long before that and I was devastated.
Don't make my mistake! xx
"How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!"
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A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
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As said before I think you wanting to cut your hair really short is a way of your mind telling you that you should move on.
When my Aunt was ill with cancer, shortly before she died she grew out her platinum hair back to its original colour and cut it really short (she used to have it long).
just wanted to let you know that i feel this way alot.
your not alone.
ive been thinking about it alot today and remembering a few years ago when i did indeed pull out most of my hair, and burn it.
it felt symbolic in a way, that i was shedding the badness of my depression, and then destroying it.
just thought ide share with you my experience. :)
4 o'clock, 4 o'clock...
never let me sleep. i close my eyes and pray!
Hey. Just wanted to thank you all so much for all your support. i really didn't expect this. i thought everyone would just think that i'm weird or something. So yeah it means a lot.
Feeling really bad tonight. Just really struggling at the moment. Struggling generally with depression and suicidal feelings. i think this thing with my hair is just a part of that. i am so fighting not to do this. But the urge is definitely getting stronger. It gets stronger as everything else gets worse.
There's a chance [and i don't know how big a chance] that i might have to go to hospital. My gp mentioned it [i've told her about wanting to do this to my hair] because of how suicidal i've been feeling.
i feel close to breaking point. Like it's tangibly close. i can almost touch it. And if or more likely when i reach breaking point my hair's going to go. i don't think i can stop myself.
This all feels so stupid. Sorry i feel like i should shut up.
PurpleElephant: i'm really sorry. Are you ok? Thankyou for your words. i am so trying to fight this. i know that this isn't what i want. Thankyou very much for support.
Definitely know how you're feeling. I actually did it once, and raised money for cancer research while I did it (for World's Greatest Shave here in Aus). For me, it really did feel like a fresh start - I found it liberating and exciting. And I honestly did think that it helped me find a positive outlook in my life! It was the right thing for me to do at the time. Although, growing it out was terrible ;)
However, if you think you're doing this as punishment, I would not encourage it at all... You need to remember that drastic change is not always positive. If you're in a really bad place right now, please don't do it. Meditate on it, wear scarves/hats/beanies over your hair, and try and imagine yourself without it. If you believe that it would lead to feelings of self-hatred - don't take the plunge!
Last edited by TheDreamingTree : 14-10-2010 at 01:02 AM.
Reason: did not sound as helpful upon re-reading
hunni i know its hard but you have got to stay strong i too
a few times in the past lost it and just cut away at my hair, but trust me the next day when i woke up i thought what the hell have i done and you will regret it ,it takes ages to grow back and my hair look stupid different lenghths
i know its hard to resist the urges but stay strong
you could always get a model one like hairdress use will pratising and snip the model figures hair off like a manicen doll they are just smaller
or do creatiive art stuff to distract yourself
i was thinking about how this would be really damaging for me. But then i thought that as i wouldn't actually do this unless i was to od again in comparison it wouldn't really be that bad. Although actually it would make everything so much worse, just that bit harder to cope with when i really wouldn't need it.
i am trying to resist this. Ok so i'm kinda failing. i'm going with cutting off really little bits in the hope that it might stop me doing this properly. By little i mean so that it won't be noticeable. Although obviously this could get out of hand.
i don't know anymore. i don't understand this.
i'm really struggling with everything at the moment. i've cried a lot today and just felt generally crap. i feel like i'm losing control of everything. And that terrifies me.
I feel like cutting all my hair off sometimes too, I was really surprised that this many other people have felt like that. Your hair is one of the few parts of your appearence that you can easily change. You can't decide how big your nose is or what shape your lips are but you can always change your hair. It makes up a part of your identity and can be a source of security for some people. I think cutting off all your hair would be like a punishment and you would be loosing that security.
I've just kind of been rambling but I feel better after seeing that other people feel like this too.
I hope you're doing okay :)
"Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more."
I know how this feels and you are certainly not alone. Well done for starting this thread and also for dealing so well with your urges. I can see you're fighting really hard to make sure you haven't shaven off your hair, and you're doing a great job I commend you for that.
You're right; cutting your hair would be really damaging for you. Please be careful with cutting off little bits, it's very very easy for that to get out of control. I suggest you keep the scissors well away from your hair, and maybe have your hair tied back?
I used to feel like this when I wanted to cut off all my hair because I wanted to make myself feel more depressed so I could have a reason to hide away/hurt myself etc. Obviously you're going through a lot now if your doctor is considering hospital, how do you feel about that?
Please keep trying to avoid the hair cutting urge, it seems like the thing that might push you over the edge and that is somewhere you really must try and avoid right now. Maybe a list of helpful skills would be of use now? For me keeping my hair tied back and off my face helps, but also if it is clean/neat it has a better chance of staying on cause it is pretty (and I bet yours is very pretty if it is blue!).
Please stay safe. Are there any sort of distractions that work well for you?
I've done this, infact I just shaved it in the studio at uni one day.
to try to lighten the thread, it's freezing in winter when you have no hair on your head!
but for me, it was because i hated my hair & hated everything about my appearance that made me shave it, have you tried tying it up in a bun? Away from your neck & face? It might help if you can't feel it around you?
