Contains Suicide - Really need some support, cant do this... sorry

[WasteOfSpace]

Hey,

Ive never posted in here before but been around for a while, ive hit an all time low and i dont know what to do anymore, i kno that im losing the strenght to fight and soon im going to give up,

On wednesday i lost everything, i lost my gf who was the love of my life i lost her family which was the only family that i had and they were like my own, i loved them like they were my own, they were my family and ive lost my job, i cant go bak to work because i was working in my gfs area and living with her and the pain of being with around that area is to great and i cant cope with it and ive decided that its best that i leave.

I was struggling before but now im at the point where i cant do this anymore, ppl keep telling me that it will get easier with time however i cant deal with the pain now and trying to take it one day at a time and i cant be bothered to get up, im drinking all the time and i just dont wanna be around anymore.

What hurts most is that shes not even hurting, things were so great between us and out of the blue she said i dnt wanna be with u anymore, i love u but im not inlove with u, she cant pretend she wants to be with me anymore, i kno its not her fault that she dnt love me anymore but shouldnt she be hurting just a lil bit? mayb get upset once or cry a lil, but nothing shes normal and has no sad emtion at all, is that just wrong of me wanting that? shes has no contact with me since she ending it not checked if im ok or anything nothing and all ive wanted to do is ring and text her like i used to, i was always texting her and ringing her and now i have nothing.

This has completed destroyed my life and im expect to put on a brave face but i just dnt think i can anymore, this is the final push off the edge of the cliff that ive been standing on for a long time if that makes any scene at all.

I really hope that i can get some support as i dnt have no one, i gave up all my friends and everything for her and she just left me just like tht without a care in the world, after 3 yrs i mean nothin to her, even being on here posting on here is hurting as this is where i meet her. I cant go in my room cause everything just makes me sad cause its just all her and i cant go anywhere cause everything reminds me of her, i cant listen to the radio or music cause it reminds me of her, i cant do this i really cant. With everything from my past being so bad for me at the moment and now this i just cant do it.

Not sure y im posting cause i kno that no one can take the pain away i just i would just like some ideas what to do and mainly so that i dnt feel so alone, as i do feel completely alone.

Thanks for ur time to read my post and i hope u can reply...

[pea soup]

hi there,

im sorry for all that youre going through.

i really think that you should focus on yourself instead of how she is doing. that will only hurt you more. you mentioned drinking alot. that wont solve anything better. it will only make you more depressed. ive been there and done that.

i cant give you a time limit on when you will feel better but maybe you could go to a therapist to help you through this. and maybe for a little while take some anti-depressants. just my opinion. but at any rate...please get some professional help since you are this low.

welcome to RYL
much love
xxxxxxxxxx

[Sigma]

^ like pea soup says, the more you allow yourself to think about her the worse you'll feel, also the drinking is going to make you feel worse (it's something I do as well, so I know how tempting it is). I'm gradually building my list of distractions to use instead of drinking or going over and over on the same negative thoughts. It's not an instant fix but every little step you take can make things a bit better.

And have you thought about going to your Dr and asking for a referral for counselling? You could print off your 1st post and take it if talking is difficult.

There are lists of suggestions for distractions somewhere on RYL, for me what helps is:
- work (voluntary work when I wasn't in a paid job)
- evening classes, especially if they are on-going instead of fixed-term, as they become more of a habit and less of a struggle
- going for a walk or jog, if it's raining and unpleasant so much the better, I can wallow in the suffering so much more but it's doing something healthy! Although I find when i'm physically moving my thoughts don't get stuck on the same negative routines and my thinking can move on
- knitting, it keeps my occupied but isn't too demanding, and I get a sense of satisfaction when I've finished something

are there any activities you used to do, or have always wanted to try? They could be a starting point?