Can anyone relate to this? Feel like one truly messed up human!

Cedrus · 08-10-2010, 10:47 AM

Ok, hopefully I can put this across in a coherent way!

I first became depressed in Oct 05. Ever since then I feel I have lost who I was before, with anxiety and my moods dictating how I live my life.

I have these intense mood swings and I am so confused, it makes me feel so just alienated. It's so confusing. I have what I call mood swings, where I will be feeling very low and tearful for a few weeks, months at the maximum. I isolate myself and it feels like those times I am depressed, I think. I will be ok for while, relatively stable and then I will become hyperactive. What confuses me even more is when I go through my periods of having really intense rapid moods. For e.g in one day I can be overwhelmed with uncontrollable anger and rage, I can laugh hysterically for hours and feel so happy and I can also be crying and feeling hopeless. This is so tiring and makes it hard for me to live.

I have had therapy for many years and I have insight into what might be causing it, but I can't seem to change it. I am diagnosed with borderline pd and schizophrenia but I don't get how these mood swings can be attributed to that. I don't feel I have a chemical imbalance. I was at a theraputic community with many others who had borderline pd or unhealthy childhoods. Yes they had mood swings, but I never saw someone who can cycle so quickly and intensely as I do.

I have no idea what is going on! The Drs say mood stabilizers wont help with the rapid changes in moods, I can't have anti-depressants because I have been 'high' in the past and eurgh, blah.

Just, does anyone else experience this? How do you cope? Has it got better with time?

sherlock holmes · 08-10-2010, 03:40 PM

I've heard that BPD can often be confused with bipolar, that some people get diagnosed with one when it should have been the other. I have heard of people with BPD having rapid cycling moods, which mood stabilisers have helped, but I think it's worth asking your psych if you have bipolar.

Cedrus · 08-10-2010, 06:45 PM

Thank you very much for the reply.

I really am fed up off being all over the place. Last year they said it was schizoaffective, assuming I do have psychosis, then maybe that could be it, but the in-patient dr took the mood stabilizer away and said 20mg of olanzapine would help with everything. I duno, all I want really is for someone to helped me be more stable and balanced. I took clozapine for a few months and it was fantastic, I was so even but I had extremely rapid weight gain in 3 months. At least I know it works for me I guess, if I have to I will go back on it. I will talk to the dr about what she thinks the problem is and I am going to give her my opinion on what tablets I need.

But yeah, thank you