Triggering (Abuse) - I hate it all! (just ranting I guess)

[~*forever_broken*~]

Am I totally nuts? Compleatly rediculous? Absolutly unreasonable?
I'm starting to feel better...a month and a half on meds and I better be that's all I've got to say. It's not a constant...pretty unstable...but it's not the same dysthymic haze that was only broken by the periodic major depressive episode...or (the most cruel of all) that one day once in a great while that seems just...normal.
But (the unreasonable part)...I'm not sure I like feeling better...I don't know what to do with it. I thought I would like what I considered 'every one elses normal' but I'm not sure I do. I can't identify exactly what I'm feeing (something my former counselor considered a problem)...maybe I'm scared? I don't feel scared...I just don't think I like it...
Maybe it's the inconsistency of it all...like I said, it's pretty unstable yet...I still spend more than my fair share of time feeling teary and lousy and just plain ick...and that makes me wonder if my meds really are working or if they will ever fully work. I don't know...
So...how nuts am I? Am I alone in this? Please tell me I'm not...

[pea soup]

nope, NOT alone at all.

i think we all fear the unknown or the unfamiliar.
we grow comfortable with our depression or illness. we learn how to cope with it ourselves and it becomes our "normalcy".
and when that changes it IS scary.
i believe its perfectly "normal".
dont know how to stop it though...but i think the longer you feel better, the more it will become your new "normal".
much love.
xx

[Merc]

exactly what i was going to say...
we get used to feeling like hell and we know how to deal with that...but we dotn yet know how to deal with 'noraml'...or truly believe it is going to last...its scary, it really is.
you are definitely NOT alone in this
romp

[Stellata]

You're definitely not alone.

I still have the waves of everything, though..

You are not alone at all.
I feel safe with my ''security balnket'' of depression wrapped around me,
I hold onto it as tightly as possible when doctors, counsellors and psychiatrists try to take it away.
Definately not nuts!!
xxxxx

[chocostashchick]

hi twin
i was thinking about this yesterday
and i feel the same way (think it might be part of the reason i decided i was allergic to therapy hmmm.....)
it might be ridiculous, i dont know really because i am pretty sure that some of the things i think are riduculous, but either way you arent alone and we can be ridiculous together! yay something to look forward to!!

[~*forever_broken*~]

Thanks all. Really.
Oh I hate this! I hate it all! I don't have any idea what's going on any more. I don't feel the same, but I don't feel good either. My attention span is about as long as my one year old neices. I have to tell myself I need to get out of bed because I would be more than happy to just lay in bed all day, hiding under my pillow or staring up at the celing. Which is something I do from the couch downstairs instead. To make that even better often when that happens I don't have any thoughts in my head...or very few...I'm almost blank (which I thought was reserved for times I felt REALLY depressed, or during a counseling session, or when my dad would beat me, or when he yells at me...)...but...argh! I have no idea but if this is what my meds get me I'd prefer to just stop taking them...at least I knew what to expect (most of the time) then...
Sigh.
Sorry for the rant.

[chocostashchick]

hugs
maybe this is something you can bring up with your meds doctor?
hang in there hun
i dont really know what to say but i wanted to let you know i read it and i care
xxxooo