Nighttime Crash

[browncoatrebel]

It's almost 3:00 a.m., and I can't sleep. And things are feeling out of control.

This always happens. I do okay during the day most of the time, even alone in my apartment. Then night hits, and I'm a wreck. My sleep meds aren't working because I'm so anxious, and the SI and ED urges are going crazy. Some of it's PTSD stuff, but it feels like more than that.

I'm in a community based treatment program, meaning I live in my own apartment but work intensively with my treatment team. There's always someone on call, but I don't feel like I can call at 3:00 a.m. unless the sky's falling. The person who's on call is meeting with me in 6 hours anyway--but that's in the daytime, when I'll be okay. And I don't see the point in calling and waking her up because I can't think of a thing she could do that would actually help, anyway.

It just scares me how out of control I feel. I've already gotten myself into trouble by giving into the urges this week, and I don't know how to manage this. I don't know what to do.

[bleeding black]

Hey,

I really think you should call the staff member who is on call. They are there to support you at all times, that is their job. Even if you can't think of anything she could do to help, she might come up with something. If she can't, at least someone will know what is going on for you at the moment, and give you someone to talk to.
If you don't feel like you can fight the urges I'd really push you to call her, like I said, it's her job and you have every right to contact her.
Take care

[xlaurenx]

Hun, i agree with the above, i feel you shouldcall the memeber of staff as there there to help .

Also i understand how hard it can be on the nights as i used to go through the same thing. Fine in the day and awful in the night. Urges to sh, depressive thoughts came back etc. Though i have been able to work through it will my cpn and am finally after about a year or so. The thoughts arent that bad.

Really hope your okay .

laurenxx

[Patch.]

I get the same thing, so I understand how awful it is.

How are you doing now?

Sorry for pointless post, just wanted to tell you that I relate.

Take care x

[browncoatrebel]

I'm not doing so well this morning, either, but better than last night. I met with the on-call person this morning (one of my regularly scheduled meetings), and she's going to call me to check in at 9:30.

But things don't get really bad until ridiculous o'clock in the morning, and I don't know what to do. It doesn't feel like a real emergency, and I feel way too needy. She was saying that I could be needy and they'd set the boundaries, but I can't see myself actually letting go of my rigid control long enough to do that.

Ugh, I feel so messed up and I don't know what to do.