Took my father off life support

proudmomma112 · 03-10-2010, 04:47 AM

Sooo... I don't know where to start... I lost my father Feb 28 2009... we had to take him off life support. It was really hard for me to deal with because everyone lost it and wasnt there for me. The nurse had told my family to watch me because I was acting right. I am still having so much trouble dealing with it. I am able to go to work but the depression and aniexty does effect me there. I just dont know what to do anymore.

Buttercup. · 03-10-2010, 06:43 AM

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. But it is NOT your fault. A year ago we had to do the same to my cousin. Just know that your father is free from that body that wasn't working for him. I don't know your religious beliefs, but this is the poem we chose for my cousin's card.

"God saw you getting tired,
When a cure was not to be.
So He wrapped his arms around you,
And whispered, "Come to me."

You didn't deserve what you went through,
So He gave you rest.
God's garden must be beautiful,
He only takes the best.

And when I saw you sleeping,
So peaceful and free from pain,
I could not wish you back
To suffer that again."

Just thought I'd share that. Again, I am very, very sorry for your loss. But please don't blame yourself. It is not your fault. I wish I had more words.

But I am here if you ever want to talk about it.

*hugs*

Jess x

proudmomma112 · 05-10-2010, 02:22 AM

I don't really know if I blame myself. It has been more then a year and I am still having a really hard time dealing with it. My Mom, my sister and I were in the room when we had to make the choice of if we were going to keep him on it or take him on. Doctor said he had a 1% chance of coming out of it. But it was just horrible actually being in there when they took the machine off of him. Doctor had told my family to watch me because I wasnt looking right. And like I wasnt there. I do have alot of anger. it really has been bugging me because I was the last to talk to him. I went to work a week after his passing and couldnt keep my mind off it so I lost my job. But I seen a doctor and found out that I have depression and aniexty. I am not as bad as I was when this first happened but it still effects me a lot. I have a full time job now and I have been able to keep it for a year but I do have a lot of issues with my aniexty there but I have explained the situation and they seem to understand. It seems like every night I just want to cry or if I see something that reminds me of him I cry.

I just don't understand why I am not getting any better. Doctor said that if depression runs in the family you have a higher risk of getting it especially if some trauma happens.

I was wondering if maybe it could be PTSD ?
the bad dreams, just really sucks like I am reliving it and getting punished for something. I cant sleep becuase of the dreams and have been diaognosed with insomnia

just lost

Isoverity · 05-10-2010, 06:57 PM

It's the anger that keeps the issue alive. No matter how important (or not) an issue or situation is having anger enter will often make things more harmful than the events themselves. As Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius once said:

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.”

I know you were in a serious situation but being angry at it drove it deeper into your psyche - were it makes you mad over and over.

freefall · 05-10-2010, 07:06 PM

just wanted to say im just a pm away im sorry, i cant imagine the pain u feel, things will get better in time you need to move on but rember he will always be watching down on you and he will be in your heart and memories it will take along time to get over it everyone deals with things in a different ways but non of this was your fault ever
stay stronng sweet *hugs*

proudmomma112 · 08-10-2010, 06:22 AM

Thanks Everyone,

Its been over a year and I have seen a therapist but with no insurance I havent been able to go back so its really nice to be able to actually get some of this out. I am going to have to start taking myself off of my medicine for depression because I cant afford it since I have lost my insurance. It's going to be hard but I really have no choice. And I worry if my feelings are going to get worse not being on my medicine.

I think the reason it effects me so much more then anyone was that I talked to him on the phone before this happened so I was the last person to talk to him and he had never really told me that he loved me before and he did on the phone that night. He just seemed so different like he had a wake up call and wanted to get his life together for his family. And then I feel like he was stolen from me. He wasn't my real father but he is the only father I have known since the age of 6. I have got in touch about 2 years before my stepfather passed away and after my stepfather died I haven't been able to call my real father because I feel so guilty for talking to him. It's just really complicated and hard to explain.

I guess just so many people that I have lost within the last year and my body couldn't take it anymore.

In 2007 on the day of my baby showered we recieved a call about my boyfriends father dying in his sleep. I was 9 months pregnant, I went into labor, I was in labor at his funeral I went to hospital they did nothing.

Then my father dies in 2009....this one hit me hard because we actually had to decide. It's just been really hard.

I have 2 wonderful children that keep me going but it's hard to deal with because I mostly cry at night. I have dreams about the night we took him off life support so it makes it hard for me to go to sleep. I have been diaognoised with insomina but it does feel really good to be able to get all of this out instead of keeping it all inside.