I'm sorry, I know I havent posted on here for ages, I've been staying away because I've been isolating myself and been totally miserable, but I've realised that I need to reach out for help and support because I can't do this on my own.
I was in an ED unit following a suicide attempt and with very messed up electrolytes and totally taken over by my ED about until about a month ago, I relapsed back into bulimia and serious depression pretty much as soon as I got home, and after a lot of encouragement from those around me I decided to go back into hospital.
I was admitted yesterday, and am finding it really hard having to eat 6 meals a day and be around other people especially while eating, as I have not really been around others lately, or doing any much more than sleeping and B/P-ing.
Anyway enough rambling, I'm just feeling really down right now and was wondering if I could please have some support and encouragement that I can get through this and actually have a life without ED.
Any replies or hugs would be hugely appreciated, thanks.
I don't know if you got any of the texts I have sent you but I just want you to know I care and hope you are feeling okay again soon. I'd love to come and see you. Love you lots.
beautiful. you can get through this. you are taking huge steps to recovery. congratuations on reaching out and getting help... being admitted again is so great and also you seem ot have a positive mindset about it.
keep us updated. i hope you managed to read some of my msgs xx hng in there.
Well done for going back!
That must have been such a difficult decision to make and deciding to go back shows how strong you are.
I hope things get easier for you,,
Stay strong.
xxx
Well content loves the silence, It thrives in the dark, With fine winding tendrils,That strangle the heart,
They say that promises sweeten the blow, But I don't need them, No, I don't need them...
thanks for all the replies and hugs, I really appreciate it. I'm feeling a little bit more positive this morning, just about to have breakfast and really freaking out but hopefully it will be ok...
I'm just trying to not discharge myself; I've only been here for 2 days and it's nice in here, I'm just trying really hard to challenge my fears and finding it very difficult. But my psych made me promise that I would still be in here on Monday when he comes in, so I guess I have to stay because I don't break promises.
Feeling really rotten right now though, and feel like self harming, but I can't because I promised my psych I wouldnt and I dont break promises. Just dont know what to do to make myself feel better, plus lunch is in 15mins
and I'm freaking out about that.
Asked the nurse for some PRN but havent been given it yet, maybe that will help? I hope so anyway because if I self injure I will have to leave.
Then of course my ED twists that and goes "well that's a good thing, you can go back home and stop fighting me"
I dont want to go home though. I mean of course I want to go home, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think I need to be here to get better because I know I can't do it on my own.
Having said all that, I am so close to self harming and/or running away, but I promised I wouldnt do either :|
Just been given some PRN so hopefully that will help. In the meantime could I maybe ask for some support or hugs or something? I dont know, I dont even know what I'm asking for, sorry.
I'm glad you managed to eat your breakfast, I hope your ok now.
Im glad your realising when your ED is being a bitch & trying to control your thoughts, because your right, you do nee the help & you do need to be there.
I hope you start to feel better soon, Ally, if you need anyone to chat with you can always PM me, ok.
I'm not doing so well at all, the urge to purge is overwhelming me, and I've been given some PRN and told that I just have to supress these feelings. It makes me angry because it's not that easy!! If it were I wouldnt be in here! But my bathroom is locked so I cant purge and I think I'm losing my mind here.
It would make me angry being told that too, I totally understand.
I know its difficult I really do but is there anything you can do there to keep your mind ocupied, I'm not sure of the time in aus right now, as I'm in the uk.
But could you maybe write things down in a diary, the reasons you shouldn't purge, why you think your there? What you think you need to feel to be discharged, how you hope to feel in a few years time?
Are you allowed phones there? Could you phone call/ text somebody?
Thanks Amber, it's about 2pm here. They are some good ideas I will give it a try, dont know about how I hope to feel in a few years time though as I just dont see myself being here then.
I have my phone, but am finding it hard to communicate with people over the phone so dont think I will be able to.
Thankyou for replying, I really appreciate it xxx
Sweetheart, you can do this to recover from your ED. Everyone has faith in you and loves you so so much. Can you talk to anyone there about your need to purge? I'd love to phone you if you are up to talking, just let me know if and when you are. Maybe next weekend I could come and see you? Take care beautiful Ally.
No problem, I know its hard sometimes, when you feel like this the last thing you want to do is imagine going through years more of it to just come out the other end.
but it'l be worth it, I've been here since 07 on another username & I've seen photos of you before & such, your very very pretty & you deserve to see that & I hope one day you do.
If you don't want to write where you think you'll be in years time, how about where you think one of your friends will be?
I'm so sorry you are struggling. But I really want you to know how proud of you I am for doing this. You are so strong.
I know it's hard. Resisting urges is never easy. And unless you've been there, you don't understand. I know they make it sound like it's easier than it is, but we all know it's not easy at all. But you are a fighter, and you can do this. Please don't give up!
Love you.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
thanks so much for the replies guys, I'm not in the best headspace to reply right now, not feeling so good. My ED is screaming at me, I just want to discharge myself and go home, but I know that that won't end well. I'm just so sick of my ED twisting and warping everything that anyone says into a negative, I'm sick of it controlling my life.
I WANT OUT!!!! I'm sorry, I know that's weak and selfish but it's how I feel right now, sorry.
![[LittleMonster]'s Avatar](image.php?s=f1bac1a7cfd8dd31cd90d5b12602e980&u=13847&dateline=1376481098)
