Contains sexual abuse - Ummm being little?

Puck · 17-09-2010, 09:20 PM

I have memories up to the age of 5 when my mum and dad divorced, my mum became very depressed and emotionally abused me and has done since (its taken me a long time to admit this) she did all sorts to me at that age. Words stick. I dont have many memories to my age of 11. I have claimed and have flashbacks to apparrently being r'd by the devil at 5 hence why im evil and when he attatched the voices to me etc... but i do have flashbacks to it... i dont know how seriously people take it but i dont think its part of my illness... i think it may have really happened but dnt know what to think... i didnt find anything wrong with what my ex and his friends did.. well i remember pain and did rebel and try to fight but i still was at their beck and call and continued the abuse by putting myself on the street after... they reminded me of people in my childhood. I do have flashbacks to that age but dont know what to think. I turned to you guys to see if someone could relate. Im confused... I dont know whether to bring it up with my psychologist.... just some words. I can regress when im really scared i turn into a little kid.. but i dont know if its related because its not what i wanted when i was 14/15 its what i wanted when i was little. But my mums illness made me grow up very quickly so it could be that. I was rarely hugged and only had verball abuse rom that age so it could just be that but its this thats on my mind and im rather scared. Im sorry for posted... i just wanted something but i dont know hwat.

17-09-2010, 10:31 PM

Hey lovely,

If it is something that is bothering you this much, then I don't see how anything could be lost by raising it with the psychologist.

I just wanted to say too that I can really relate when you talk of regressing to a little kid when you are scared. I do something similar to that when I'm scared and at different times. You're not alone *squishes*

And I can also relate sort of to how you are feeling about the flashbacks. I will PM you more about that tomorrow though. I'd rather not say it all on the forum :)

I hope you will be okay. Definitely raise it with the psychologist if you think it might help. Have you tried writing it in a letter maybe? And then you could read it back and decide whether you feel like sending it? Or save it for a time when you will be ready to send it, or just decide to burn it or whatever. Sometimes that can help too.

I love you <3
Take care X

troubleshooter · 19-09-2010, 05:27 PM

Lots of people regress in scary situations, but I'm sure your psych would understand.

Also, that being raped by the devil thing... I think you and your psych should explore that. Children that little usually don't understand the concept of rape unless they've been exposed to it, directly or indirectly. It may be possible that a real person hurt you, and you turned him into the devil (which he was for you). Even if you have a mental illness or hear voices, it's unlikely you had a delusion of rape without an exposure to it at that young age. *hugs* I hope you can get help for everything honey.

Puck · 24-09-2010, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troubleshooter

Lots of people regress in scary situations, but I'm sure your psych would understand.

Also, that being raped by the devil thing... I think you and your psych should explore that. Children that little usually don't understand the concept of rape unless they've been exposed to it, directly or indirectly. It may be possible that a real person hurt you, and you turned him into the devil (which he was for you). Even if you have a mental illness or hear voices, it's unlikely you had a delusion of rape without an exposure to it at that young age. *hugs* I hope you can get help for everything honey.

Thank you for replying this made me think a lot and made a hell of a lot of sense. Also thank you my popply one your reply meant a lot as well! I told my psych.... but it really didnt give me any reassurrance or anything helpful.. she has a tendency of giving mixed answers which confused me and i got all upset as to whether she couldnt believe me or whatever.. i dont know what i wanted though i hoped shed give me an opening to talk about the flashbacks but didnt. i dont know i just found it very unhelpful and it made me quite anxious. Ugh i dont know nothing is really reliable huh? Thanks for replying hough guys it meant alot, *hugs* and take care of yourselves xxx