Contains abuse - Confused.

[Embles]

Right here goes. I havent made a proper support thread in so long so bear with me.

I've just gotten out of an abusive relationship, that lasted nearly two years. Amongst other things I was called a slut by him, because admittedly I did used to be a slut because I was abused / raped by three people throughout my life - and became my worst after I was raped, 2 years ago - just before I met my ex.
At the time, I felt my body was anybodys , that anybody that found me attractive could have me - which admittedly at the time wasnt many. I just didnt care and let myself be used anyway others wanted.

Now Im nearly 19 and I look like I've grown into myself alot more. I've also slept with 2 people since I left this abusive relationship, which was about 3 weeks ago. I'd been trying to get out of the relationship for the last 8 months, but was pretty much trapped by suicide threats/violence/manipulation.
These 2 people I've slept with are friends that Ive had for years. Its ruined neither of our friendships, and I chose to do it because I wanted to, not because I didnt care either way. Im leaving to go to university tomorrow, which is why they both happened in a short space of time, because circumstances were finally right, rather than just because.

However. Im so confused. While Im making the choice, Im turning people down who offer me anything sexual because Im not attracted to them, Ive also accepted 2 offers and kissed about 6-7 people since this relationship ended. Am I going back to my old ways? Or is it just because of the timing? Im not intending to do this in university, and am not looking for a relationship for the time being.
Bah. Sorry for the essay. I know Im not asking anything truly "advice" wise, but any help would be great
Em

[Yan-yan]

*Hugs*
Well done for been strong enough to get out of the relationship.

I'm not the best at giving advise but I can give my opinion you don't have to listen to it. :)
I think that if your not doing this (sleeping with and kissing people) because you feel "Your body is anybodys". And your just doing it because you want to. I don't see the problem, your having fun, just be carful.
If you still feel how you did before, and are doing because you feel like you should, the all I can suggest is some serious confidence building.

[Embles]

Yeah thats the thing - I wanted to do it because I was attracted to the people in question, and I wasnt going to see them for a long time, rather than just cause I could - you do make sense, its just a bit of a mind **** lol

[BridgesAndBalloons]

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time. I just thought I'd say what I thought, it's just my thoughts feel free to disregard it :) I agree with Shanny. It sounds to me like you're doing things because you want to and not because you feel anyone attracted to you has the right to do what they like.
I've experienced things similar to you. I went though a period of time where I was intimate with people because I wanted to. It was quite different to when I felt I "should" do things because someone wanted me to. During those times I was more depressed and doing those sort of things usually made me feel awful. But during the period when I did things because I wanted to it didn't make me feel bad, I enjoyed having fun. I just made sure it was safe fun.
I hope my rambles made sense :)

[Embles]

Thankyou so much for replying, sorry for the slow reply,its been hectic!! But yes you speak very wise words :)

[RemoteControl]

I just wanted to add to what everyone else said, and just agree : ) if you're doing it to have fun (especially if you have been in a relationship for a long time - it can be really fun being able to do what you want again) then thats absolutely fine. id just say to keep an eye on how you feel about it, and if you feel ok about it, it must be ok, and if you feel bad about it, then maybe thats when you should try and think about changing your behaviour.

Hope everything with uni goes well!
Mx