Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Heard from my abuser :(
I've been in touch with the guy who abused me. He came into my shop last week to bring some repairs to be done, but luckily I was with my boyfriend, so didn't have to see him. It was only when I spoke to my parents afterwards, that I found out he'd paid a visit. I knew I'd get an email from him, and as I expected, I got home and saw I'd received one. He said how much he loved me, and that he missed me, and other stuff like that and that he wanted me to take his finished repairs to his house, so he could show me how much he loved me "just like old times".
I told my boyfriend about it, and he helped me send a reply to him to try and scare him off, because there was no way that I wanted to see him, let alone go to the house where I was abused all them years ago. And I told him that I wanted him to come to the shop to pick up his repairs, and to tell me what time he was going to come, so I could make sure I wasn't there.
Fair does to him, he replied saying that he was going to come at dinner time today, so at least I could be prepared. But in the email, he also blamed me for everything that happened. He said that I'd enjoyed it and that I wanted him to do what he did. He said how much he loved me and thought I loved him too. He accused me of lying to my boyfriend, because he reckoned that at no point did he force me to do anthing. It left me in a bit of a mess, and dreading today even more.
I went to see my boyfriend when he was supposed to come into the shop, so I didn't see him today thank god. But when I got home, I'd had yet another email off him. He called me a liar again. He said that everything that happened was consentual, and that he would have stopped if I'd have asked him to. He said that he was going to keep his distance for a bit because I am 'messed up' and spreading lies about him. He said that I was a good actor to get my boyfrined to believe me, so he was worried about how many other people would.
It's upsetting me quite a lot at the moment because I was just starting to believe that it wasn't my fault. I was 11, so it can't have been my fault can it? I haven't lied about any of it, and I really didn't want him to do what he did. I could just do with a few hugs and words of encouragement if that's possible, because I'm a little upset at the moment.
even if you did want it, even if you didn't ask him to stop, even if you did enjoy it, you were 11, legally and emotionally unable to make the decision, that makes it child abuse/statutory rape whatever he says. maybe remind him of that.
*hugs* mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
Just like I told you baby he's just trying to make you think that you're crazy and that it didn't happen. *hugs you tight* Not your fault, he's just messing with your mind. You're a good beautiful girl who is strong and you now have a great boyfriend and your brother is even home. *snuggles* It'll be okay baby. *more hugs*
Thanks for your hugs and replies. They're greatly appreciated. I haven't heard anything else off him, so I'm pleased. But I keep going over what he said to me in the emails. I can't believe he'd accuse me of lying about something like this. There's no way I'd choose to be the way I am. If it hadn't have been abuse, then I wouldn't have the flashbacks, or the nightmares. I wouldn't spend every moment of every day thinking about it. He admitted we had sex, but he really does think there's nothing wrong with it. If I enjoyed it, then I'd enjoy it with my boyfriend, but I struggle to let him touch me sometimes. So there's no way I liked what he did to me. I know I'm repeating myself, but I need to try and convince myself again that it's not my fault. Because all of this is doing my head in. I can't feel anything. I'm not sad or happy. I'm just numb to everything at the moment.
Hi Sweetie,
None of happened was your fault........none of it!!
Maybe he's been thinking about things and is trying to pass the blame onto you instead of accepting that he was at fault.
Im proud of you for writing this thread and for how youve dealt with it all.
Youve really come a long way Chrissy *pats on back!!*
Much love as always
xx rowie xx
yhun, i know i've talke to you on msn, but i though i should reply to this aswel, its just taken me a while to tray and work out the right things to day.
from the things you have told me, it is obvious to anyone that you did NOT want it hun. you were 11 years old. as i have already told you, that is statutory rape. you were 11 years old. just a child. how could i child want somehting liek that done to them? they wouldnt hun. and i know you, i know you alot better than most, and i KNOW you didnt want this. if you did, you would remember it with happy memories and happy feelings. you wouldnt have flash backs like i know you do, you wouldnt have the constant nigthmares which make you to scared to sleep at night. you wouldnt have struggled to let n*** touch you, and you wouldnt be afraid to go out into town incase you see someone who looked like him.
you know you didnt make any of those feelings up hun, and so do i, and so does n***. surely, that day he came into the shop, you would have wanted to see him if you enjoyed it? but you didnt, you were panicing the night before when i was talking to you.
and about who is to blame? that is obvious. HIM. he was the adult hun, you were 11. just 11 years old. he was, and is, a peodophile. would you tell the victims of peodiphilia that is was there fault? of course you wouldnt. that shows that this wasnt your fault eith er hun. you were 11 years old. pre-pubessent, which ment you wouldnt have had any feelings like that yet. you trusted hiim and he betrayed that trust in the worst way. you know the lies he has told you, you know you cant trust him, so please, please dont let him make you belive this was your fault.
THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT
you KNOW you can trust me, and n***, and everyone else who has replied to this thread. so please belive us, this is not your fault, you could not have wanted it, you were 11.
i lvoe youso much hun
*hugs you tight*
your sis
"I would be almighty in my own world of art, even if I had to paint my pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell." -Picasso
"No, painting is not done to decorate apartments. It is an instrument of war." - Picasso
'I have scars becuase I have a past; but they, like my past, do not define my future'
aww chrissy, im sorry to hear about this.
don't listen to a word that bastard has to say.
its good you have ure boyfriend to support you tho sweetie.
i hope ure ok now *hugs* thinking of you x
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