I got my blood-work results back...

byemebyeme · 10-09-2010, 05:43 AM

And everything is normal.

Everything is normal. Everything.

---

My therapist told me to go get blood-work done because apparently a lot of things can not help depression (he had a client who, unknown to her, had a thyroid problem that wacked he out so bad that it made her actively suicidal. She was put on medication to correct it, and was totally fine. Didn't even need therapy anymore).
So between the time where my therapist planted this idea in my head that it could be as simple as a thyroid problem, going to the doctor, and then waiting for 2 weeks for these results, my mind was rushing.
It might not be my fault. (I have a huge problem not being able to accept/justify my problems since nothing traumatic has ever really happened to me. But I'm not even going to start going down that road right now. Yes, I know nothing horrible has to happen to you. I just have that thought in the back of my mind that I wish I could blame this on something for some comfort)

Then the doctor calls. Asks for the Mom or Dad of Madison. I said they weren't there (which is true) and she asks if I want to results myself. At first I say I don't care to sound too eager. She responds by telling me it's whatever I want. I tell her I'll take them "I guess"
She rambles off a list of the things she's tested for.
I grab a little notebook and pen. I still had that hope in my mind that I was about to write down the things that are wrong with me to tell my parents later.

"It all came back fine."
My heart sunk.
Fine? Really?
"Oh okay, well thank you," I replied in a cheerful voice. I should be happy with this

I hung up the phone and broke down crying. I haven't been able to cry in so long. That was ultimate disappointment - it's disappointment in myself. All I have to blame is myself.

This is me. My brain, my thoughts.

I'm still so down.

Revolving Door · 10-09-2010, 10:14 AM

it is one of the first things they do when someone is admitted to hospital is to check blood works.

I have had them done a lot. One came back saying I had a thyroid problem and considering my symptoms it seemed very likely, but the results were borderline, so I had to go back a couple of weeks later to get blood done again....I thought great so this is going to fix it! Then the next set came back normal. I felt that kick in the gut like you felt.

I'm impressed your therapist told you to get the tests though. And it is not your fault and hopefullly if you keep working with your therapist then things will start to improve.

byemebyeme · 10-09-2010, 08:35 PM

^Thank you for the support.

startingagain · 10-09-2010, 08:51 PM

I have a thyroid condition and sometimes when I feel really down I get it rechecked and always feel disappointed if the results are ok.

Ami · 11-09-2010, 07:08 AM

Yeah I always feel disappointed with blood tests.

Basically because Im healthy, but also because i just wish it was a physical problems causing all this mental stuff because at least there would be a known "cause" and treatments that would most likely "work.

You can get through things with your therapist though x

Bleeding Angel · 11-09-2010, 07:57 PM

you cant control being mentally ill, just like you cant control having something physically wrong with you, so its nothing wrong with you and nothing your fault

byemebyeme · 12-09-2010, 06:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ami

Basically because Im healthy, but also because i just wish it was a physical problems causing all this mental stuff because at least there would be a known "cause" and treatments that would most likely "work.

Yah, that's definitely what gets to me too. That's basically what I was trying to explain but it didn't really work.

And thank you Bleeding Angel, I just feel like I should be able to control it. Like I just need to snap out of it. It's not that bad so I must just be sulking in pity, you know? Nothing is really wrong...it's just frustrating. I have depressive feelings not depression. Which is a nice way of saying I'm over emotional and sensitive.
Yuck...sorry, I need to stop. I'm never going to find peace with this.

Thanks so much for the support everyone, it really means a lot to me.

synapse321 · 14-09-2010, 01:32 PM

I know exactly how you feel.

I recently went for a blood test for the thyroid hoping that my anxiety was due to that ie physical event so you can finally put your finger on why you suffer like this.

However, my results will come back normal too as I have had several blood tests in the past and all have been normal.