Defensive over mere thoughts..

[MissAnonymous]

I didnt know where to put this, but I have been pondering it for a while..

Does anyone else get defensive over thoughts within their own head. For example, the mere thought that someone would/ could call me, or is thinking I am [selfish, nasty, untruthful etc etc] will spark anger and defensive feelings in my head.

Reality, nobody has done a thing wrong and nothing has actually happened. I've kindof set myself up and the thought really does 'pop' into my head quite randomly.

Does anyone else relate to that?

Edit: I also have 'heated arguments' in my head over things that havent happened... < I suppose now it looks like I really have lost the plot >.<

[Stellata]

Yes. In my case, because I replicate past abuse in my head, and it's taken on a 'life of it's own'. I'm working now on overcoming it, accepting and liking myself.

Might it be because you feel insecure and really do need to build up your sense of self?

[Apologies if I've not worded that very well, it's a raw topic for me and that can make me less articulate.]

[MissAnonymous]

I suppose Im so used to being called names, Im always feeling ready to defend myself? I know I am insecure, but I never thought of it being connected to that, I suppose I thought I was just simply an angry person :/

I have people/voices/persona's having a go at me most of the time. But this is slightly different in that its a thought. Not me hearing it. The idea that someone thinks I am horrible. Does that make any sense?

You've worded it fine, thankyou for replying (offers hugs)

[Stellata]

..being called names can cause a lot of damage, and some very justified anger in many ways.

And thanks. :)

[Coffeemate]

I think Stellata's made a good point. I reckon that when we get used to people hurting us, we kind of take that into ourselves, you know? And even if that person is long gone, that memory of the critical or abusive other remains. It's almost as though we're doing that job for them. . . So maybe rather than them saying 'no one likes you', that's now 'no one likes me'. I remember someone once saying to me 'you're your own worst enemy'. . .

For me, it's low self esteem, not feeling worthy enough or good enough. The more I forgive and love myself, the less it happens.

~x~