Contains alcohol - Does my mum have a problem?

[LittleMonster] · 30-08-2010, 11:01 PM

I'm beginning to get very worried about my mum, but i'm not sure if I'm overreacting so some advice would be great.

My mum has always quite liked her drink, as has my dad. My mum & dad have always had a few drinks together & I know my dad is okay with it but I'm getting concerned about my mum
My mum within the last few months has been drinking quite a lot.
She drinks every single night, to the point where she gets really drunk, hits a high or just collapses into bed practically.

Tonight I came home from my bf's to find that she had drunk alot. I tried asking dad but he was no help. So I went to check on mum (who was already in bed) and gave her a hug and asked her if she were drunk, I then asked if she drank x amount of alcohol (which was way too much for pleasurable drinking, she had wayyy too much tonight) and she was very unconvicing & stank of alcohol. I gave her another cuddle and let her go to sleep.

But seriously, I'm really concerned. I mean I think shes drinking to cope. I think she isn't very happy with her life, and also her aunt is dying of cancer which seems to be deeply upsetting her but she has been drinking heavily most nights for many many months & I just dont know what to do as dad doesnt seem to notice.
I love her to pieces but I'm kind of the same right now & drinking to cope..

What do I do? Am I overreacting? She gets drunk way too often
I asked her lately why she drinks so much and she shrugs and says "there's nothing else to do". But I really don't think thats why.

Im leaving for uni in a month and am so scared to leave her

We were both crying the other night about leaving & she was drinking and I just don't wanna lose her..We think my great aunt is dying due to drink also..

Sorry for long post..

lynx · 30-08-2010, 11:19 PM

If she gets drunk to cope with life & all and she has a husband and kids, then yes, she has a problem. Drinking too much is never OK but it certainly isn't when you have responsibilities.

I have been through something similar with my grandma. She "didn't drink too much any more" either, but the bills from the cafeteria at the guided housing (or what's it called?) where she lived, proved otherwise. By the time she moved there apparently her habit of hiding bottles hadn't gone.

She used to drink when me and my brother were little and she had to take care of us. We found her in various conditions & positions you don't want to find anyone in when you're 8.

Drinking is just wrong when you have responsibilities such as a child. My point.

Take care,
Tineke

[LittleMonster] · 30-08-2010, 11:31 PM

Thank you for your reply, I'm sorry about your experiences...

But I don't know , I mean she doesnt drink so many bottles a night or whatever but she does get herself drunk too often :/ But right now I'm doing the same, even finding this hard to type properly,,taking a long time haha.

But no ..my dad/step-dad doesn't seem to pay much attention to it nor notice, I think he just accepts that my mum gets drunk alot.
I think I am gonna ask her in the morning why she drinks so much

She says she doesnt know what she will do when I leave and to me that sounds very ominous, I dont want her to drink even more :(

88shelz · 31-08-2010, 12:15 AM

you cant let your mums drinkn stop you from doing what you want to do
speak to her about it and let her know how much it is upsetting you and find out if there is anything you can do to help

[LittleMonster] · 31-08-2010, 12:19 AM

The thing is, I seem to be the only one to notice. Okay, so theres only 3 of us in the household, but still...I don't wanna be like overreacting or anything.
I'm just so worried, I know it's her way of coping, & right now it's mine too

I just want her to be happy

Think I'm gonna try and slip it into conversation tomorrow..

Sigma · 01-09-2010, 10:27 AM

have you tried Alateen? It's for the family of people with a drinking problem, they may have some useful info or advice. It sounds as if a lot of people in your family have issues around alcohol - perhaps they don't want to see your Mum's problem because it will highlight their own.

Just as importantly - what help are you getting for yourself? If you are also using alcohol to cope? Getting ready to go to Uni is stressful, exciting (I hope!) but stressful - are you getting any support?

[LittleMonster] · 01-09-2010, 11:31 AM

I don't know if she has a problem or just does it due to boredom/habit, I asked her why she drank so much and she just shrugged and said "I can't remember drinking it", & she still drank some yesterday but nowhere near as much & it didn't seem to effect her
Whereas I've been drinking for x nights consecutively, but yeah Im not getting any support but I don't think I need it

weepingangel · 02-09-2010, 01:16 AM

Hey. i don't have any experience with this at all but i hope you're ok.

Definitely try to talk to her if you can (i wouldn't be brave enough but that's just me)

From what people've said to me about what i drink it sounds like she might have a problem. i'm not saying she definitely does because i really don't know but i don't think you're overreacting at all. And drinking out of boredom or habit can often indicate that someone has a problem i think or it can lead to problems.

i would trust your instincts with it. Especially if you're struggling with it too. You'd be more likely to notice than other people would who don't drink a lot.

i think you deserve to have some support too if you're worried about your own drinking. Although it's much harder to see / admit to a problem with your own drinking than it is with someone elses. Or at least that's my [limited] experience.

Sorry this probably didn't help at all and sorry if i said anything wrong. Hope you're ok.

HarryMonk · 02-09-2010, 09:42 AM

Smokey my Mum drank like a fish... May have rubbed off on me but im old enough to make my own misguided choices.

Confont her early in the morning, explain your worries & leave it there. No matter what then, your concerns have been logged.

And Weepy, you said nothing wrong - dont be so hard on yourself.

Harry Monk x

HarryMonk · 02-09-2010, 12:13 PM

In fact Weepy you make so much sense I want to marry you.

weepingangel · 02-09-2010, 12:56 PM

um, really? Thanks.

HarryMonk · 02-09-2010, 01:01 PM

You're welcome.

xxx

JaffaCake. · 07-09-2010, 08:52 AM

hey sweet, hope you're doing okay?
i understand completley where you're coming from because my mum is the exact same except, i know she drinks to cope because she's depressed. she's also had an alcohol problem in the past so, i think it's cropping back up again.

why not try writing her a letter telling her how you feel?
you don't have to be accusing or forceful but just let her know you are really worried about her and that she's scaring you with her drinking.

no matter how much she's drinking each night, it could still be a problem. why not make an app for her at your doctors and just ask her to go?

i'd definatley tell her though.. if it's worrying you that much then i would tell her. she should know that her actions are causing people upset and worry.

take care x

[LittleMonster] · 07-09-2010, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -LetMeSign-

hey sweet, hope you're doing okay?
i understand completley where you're coming from because my mum is the exact same except, i know she drinks to cope because she's depressed. she's also had an alcohol problem in the past so, i think it's cropping back up again.

why not try writing her a letter telling her how you feel?
you don't have to be accusing or forceful but just let her know you are really worried about her and that she's scaring you with her drinking.

no matter how much she's drinking each night, it could still be a problem. why not make an app for her at your doctors and just ask her to go?

i'd definatley tell her though.. if it's worrying you that much then i would tell her. she should know that her actions are causing people upset and worry.

take care x

Um no I'm not doing too well, but this isnt about me
I haven't been at home lately to know how she has been doing, but in all honesty I'm still not sure.
She sometimes has these depressed moments, tells me that she has nothing exciting in her life, worried & upset about me leaving, people dying etc...and at that moment I know she is drinking to cope

But alcohol with my parents is just the norm, they go to the pub every day, have a couple there then come home and drink,, mostly not drunk but when he drinks it scares me & when she drinks it upsets me. My dad doesn't seem to notice my mum drinking so much so I really don't know what to think
Next time my mum drinks I think I will confront her?
xx

Sigma · 09-09-2010, 08:53 AM

I agree with LetMeSign - a letter is a good way of saying what you need to say, it gives her time to think about it before responding, the chances are if you're confrontational then she'll just be defensive.

And this is about you! Your Mum as well, but you are part of the situation. Are you at Uni yet? Have you made contact with the student counselling services? If you're not doing well they could be a good source of support.