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A drink, for the horror that I'm in....
It's 2038.... I need a drink..... God, what i wouldn't give for a bottle of wine...... Just one bottle.... Can't be that bad, can it????
I'm gonna get sooo ****ing sick from this detox..... Right now i just wanna say screw it all. I just wanna not take the buse and drink and drink until i pass out.... I wanna yell and scream at the ones who are gonna make me take it..... Just one ****ing drink.
I'm gonna be sober for a while..... And i hate it. I know it was first and foremost my decision to start on the antabuse but now i feel, with having to start it tomorrow, that i have backed into a corner from which there is no escape.... It is finally beginning to dawn upon me... I can't drink..... THey say i'll die if i try..... For ****s sake!!!!!!
I'm so anxious.... Haven't had a drink since monday where i got soo wasted and nearly burned the house down...... For the past 3 months i don't remember how i got to bed once i finished drinking.... Monday i threw my entire ashtray into the dustbin, cut the **** outta myself and smoked more than two packets and forgot to take my meds all because i was so drunk that i eventually passed out....
Woke up at 4 in the morning, shaking and in a cold sweat..... Saw my arm with all the tiny wounds and then vaguely started to remember what had happened....
I am so ashamed..... Antabuse..... Because i have a drinking problem.... Like i haven't done enough to disgrace my name already.....
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