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i hate.....
I don’t want to keep having Damien’s voice, nor do I want to keep hearing Rachel’s voice. Damien keeps hurting me on the inside and Rachel makes me hurt myself. It’s not even me doing it all the time anymore, she takes over me and I’m just watching from the outside as she takes the blade to her/my wrist or arms or legs.
Almost all of the time I can hear “”you’re useless, worthless, ugly, stupid no one wants you, you’re a waste of space and time!” If it’s not that it’s Rachel screaming, trying to get out- she’s angry and hates everyone.
Damien is always in my head telling me I’m worthless and I should kill myself.
Rachel is angry.
Danielle is so unhappy.
Dannie doesn’t want to grow up.
Some days, that could last anything from hours to a few days, I’m no one, I’m just a soul-less body floating around with no meaning in life…just a dead soul, floating.
I’m not sure who the person is who is worried about being held hostage yet, always looking around and behind….sure some one is on watch.
I wish my moods weren’t so unpredictable, I wish I wasn’t weak, I wish people would stop taking over me.
I hate having to cut myself to feel something. I hate looking in the mirror and not recognising myself. I hate waking up some days and not remembering the day before. I really hate how depression becomes physical and mania is like being on a drug that makes you hallucinate. I hate permanently feeling like people are using me or going to leave me. I have no control in life what so ever.
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