Basically I've been in hospital, and had a really bad time when I had to move wards.
I had to go back to see one of the doctors and basically he said we were wanting to refer you to psychology cause we don't think medication will help - I didn't want medication! Basically everything was a disaster. I said I have a 'friend' who is a psychologist who has helped me in the past, I have seen CPN, workers at a place he suggested I go (but I am not allowed back there), and I used to see CAMHS among other things. I said there is no point cause there is nothing new. He said they didn't feel they could do anything to help because it is my personality, and that leads me to have ups and downs. I said well I can't function like this, and he was like well we don't feel right changing your personality and if thats the way you are then thats the way you are.
So basically they will leave me to NOT function. I HATE THIS! I HATE WHO I AM!
And now they are telling me that no you aren't ill, it is you that is the problem, so we will just chuck you to the way side.
I made a deal with the hospitals when I went in (and with myself) and that was if they couldn't give me any new ideas on how to help myself (which every person i have seen for a reasonable amount of time have always said I am unlike most patients they see in that I try SO HARD to get better but I always end up back in crisis) that I would just give up.....
I am so angry at myself for believing there was help out there. I am so annoyed! The dr said the hospitals will always be there for when I need them - basically saying yes you will be in and out of them! And that as I get older (I'm 21) things will even out....They have progessively got worse the older i have gotten (and the less responsibility I have had in the last year - he said it was adult responsibilities that have made it worse!!! I am living at home right now....before I was living alone!!!)
I don't know what to think.....any opinions on what he means???? I'm i this waste of space he has described who can't conform to society?? That my behaviour gets me arrested and sectioned yet there is no help???
Last edited by Revolving Door : 28-08-2010 at 11:33 PM.
What makes you unsure about trying psychology? Therapy, with medication, has helped me to slowly get more stable over the years. It is slow progress, but it is there. It is my personality that "is the problem" as well.
Oh right I see. What sort of therapy have you tried?
Do you have an idea about what might help?
I know often with personality problems care teams do try and just ride it out as they do feel it gets better over the years. It's frustrating though, I know.
I knew a clinical psychologist, so had been given and talked through all the information available to them and the patients in my area - CBT, relaxation, breathing, alternatives to self harm, safety boxes etc etc. plans plans and plans, like meal plans, daily activities, mood charts, lists of distractions etc. Ways to block out voices etc.
CPN - help with everything really.
Penumbra - helped in that they provided lots of things, OT, life skills, mindfulness, EFT (think it was), brief solution therapy.
CAHMS - specific treatment for self harm but was really treatment for everything, learning how to talk, think through problems, rate feelings, understand feelings, how to deal with problems etc.
University services - talk, help with stress, organisation skills, CBT, help from students, help socialising, help with money, life skill, talking through things etc etc.
Psychiatrists/hospital and medication.
Psych laison etc
I have now just been told that its' my 'personality' but nothing else.
Before it was depression then bipolar, then something physical is wrong but we don't know what now 'personality' I don't knwo what to believe, but I know as soon as they write something about 'personality' down thats it you are a write off......(in my area anyways)
Sometimes medication works, sometimes therapy works, sometimes neither and sometimes both, but it can take years in some cases to find the right mixture and balance. Therapy is ment to change your behavoiurs so in a way it changed a part of you.
There are lots of therpy out there, including conventional and other things like hypnosis ect.
"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"
I said (on going into hospital) that this is my last chance I am giving support because I have tried SO MUCH and it never changes, and that it got to the point I have had to give up my job and that I have been in hospital about 15 times now, and been arrested, and that I need something NEW to try....
The first hospital I was in was very helpful, and they had just created a care plan for me, and said they wanted to get this sorted or I would just yo-yo....then the call came and I got transferred.....leading to me being sectioned, then leaving bceause I HATED them! I Was SO ANGRY. I went from serious help to nothing basically.....to there is nothing we can do....
How would you feel about having less support? I know that probably sounds really stupid, but I also have been having therapy for years and been in and out of hospital a lot, and I think you can reach a point where you become (unintentionally) institutionalised. Not just by the services, but by your difficulties themselves. Especially if they have been going on since childhood. Some of my support was recently taken away and I'm surprised to be none the worse for it.
*Edit*, if that doesn't work/doesn't sound feasible, has anyone suggested a therapeutic community to you?
Well I have went the last 6 months with no support, and I ended up in hospital....So having no support hasn't worked, and when I had CPN and uni I ended up in hospital....so neither options seem to work......
Sorry I sound difficult, and I know I am but I have just reached the end of the line with life and everything and venting it here until well that doesn't matter.....just I don't know....I just feel I got taken from one hospital willing to help to another that think I just can't conform to 'normal' life but they can't help me do that - even though thats what I want!
Then it might really be worth seeing if there are any therapeutic communities in your area. A lot of areas have access to a day therapeutic community, or, with funding, you can be referred to a residential therapeutic community. They don't work for everyone, and are very hard work, but I've seen them save lives.
The hard bit is - move in a week so can see my CPN again....I dono I am just at this sort of 'whats the point' stage now. And venting here but waning the responses.
I wou;dn't have been allowed to do the sort of 'day hospital' things you are talking about, as they were never suggested to me and have limited spaces. My situation was strange in that there was no beds in my town so went to another town in my region, then got transfered to my town but am heading back to the 3rd (and final) psychiatric section in my region (basically there are 3 hospitals, and I have been in all 3 and that the one with was helping was out side the two I would be in depending if I was at home or uni and it was the one that was trying to help the most!)
It just means everyone wasn't sure what to do with me as i would be moving so soon....but that now they have decided there really isn't anything that will help!
Sorry I feel like I was quite snappy on this post last night....
I think because I went from one hospital (and years) of people saying there is something that is wrong with me causing the behavior/extremes, and problems in functioning etc. To being told it's your personality and we don't want to change that as thats who you are....so I am not coping with this, and try to change, and ask for help, and then get the kick of yes you can't function properly in this culture because your personality doesn't conform.....
