I am on here now because, again, I'm feeling like an idiot. I feel like I'm worthless and empty. I have gone through this time and time again for years and years. I am 23 years old and I am still being treated like I'm 5 - with more extreme language, mind you.
I live with my mom. Only because I cannot afford an apartment on my pay. I keep telling myself I just have to stick it out until next year when I am enlisting in the Army.
I am emotionally/mentally abused or bullied. Or so I think. I understand that I am an adult and that I should not be living at home and that by living at home I should respect her household and her rules. I get that, but it's much deeper than that. I just feel like I'm a pawn. I feel like I'm a joke - like I'm just here for her to have someone to yell at and take her frustrations out on.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm being bullied into doing **** that she just "doesn't feel like doing." I'm accused of being lazy and ambivalent, "pissy," bitchy, awful, rude, disrespectful, ignorant...I'm just sick, literally sick of it.
It doesn't matter what I do. I am always wrong or something wasn't done to her standards or it wasn't done in the timeframe that she allotted. It's not really that which is bothering me, I guess. It's just the whole bullying thing. I've been told by friends before (without prompt) that I'm being emotionally abused. I was told today that she wishes I had joined the Army. I just said that if I had made weight that I would be gone. She replied with, "Maybe you should just stop eating."
No matter what I do I'm wrong. If I had a report from the ****ing General that gave a reason for something I didn't accomplish she would make an excuse for that and throw it in my face.
I"m sorry this is so long. I've just had it. I am so sick of it. I'm sick of feeling like a total failure and I'm SICK OF HER ****. This could be so much longer but I think I'll make a post later in this thread.
Is anyone dealing with someone like this? What do you do? Is there anything you say to convince them to actually listen? I'm really wondering if I should just cut my losses......and we used to be closer than anyone.
Yes, I know how you feel. I'm a stupid bitch, a ****ing idiot, worthless, stupid, pathetic, fat, everything looks rubbish on me, I'm ugly, I mean nothing to them, they wish I was dead, they wish I would get raped and murdered, I should go and kill myself...ok I'll stop now, but you get the idea.
It hurts, I know. But I haven't done anything about it so far. My only advice is to just get out and keep your distance. Maybe not cut all ties, but have a seperate life and only involve her when necessary. I don't know about you, but I've also gotten to a point where I've just stopped caring. I don't let myself be hurt by them anymore, but when it's the people who are meant to love you unconditionaally, and not care about things like your dress sense and hair, or if you don't get straigh A*s, it makes you feel like you're everything they say you are.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I promise you're not those things. One person isn't the world, and maybe some day she'll realise what she had and lost, but for now there's no point in continuing to be hurt by staying living with her. It's nothing you did and I think there's little you can do. Sorry that's **** and not what you wanted to hear, but I think with my family, they would just call me pathetic if I even tried to tell them how I feel.
