I found my partner overdosed today.
I am half okay and half falling to peices.
I heard/saw a man die in resus.
I dont know what to say it all seems so unreal.
Please just idk, a hug?
I have a migrane, havent managed to drink anything for a while. Its my own fault but I didnt want to leave her side.
What the hell do I do?
I want to write more, but this migrane needs to calm down first. I will try and 'get it out' later maybe when the painkillers start to work.
I guess Im supposed to eat something now, but I feel too sick. :s
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry x
The hospital will be taking good care of your partner, I think you need some time to make sure you're ok yourself. Try and eat and drink a little, your partner wouldn't want you to be hurting... Try and take care of yourself
I wish I could say something of more use, but I'm thinking of you and your partner x
Okay Im gonna try and get out what happened. I dont need to think about it over and over and over anymore, it just hurts.
I went out for an hour and a half and half way through being out I text her to ask if she were okay, she didnt answer so I called after a bit and there was no answer and then I called again, no answer. So I felt like something was really wrong, part of my head was saying, you'll get home and she'll be there moaning at you cos you woke her up or something, but I knew it wasnt okay.
I rushed back and she opened the door after me panic stricken pressing the bell over and over. I almost had a panic attack running up the hill for fear and over breathing, but when I got in the door and knew what had happened I went into auto pilot. Called an ambulance, they came, they were lovely.
In a and e she was moved to resusitation and was bearly concious. All I could hear was snippits 'GCS 6' 'Call ITU' 'Get blood gases' then I was told it would get a bit noisy in there cos there was a cardiac arrest being brought in.
It did get noisy.. he died after 40mins of resusitation. I heard it. Saw bits. Someone's lost their son today. Someones world is going to fall apart. Is it selfish that I was frightened that could have been my loved one?
Shes in critical care right now. Her breathing isnt stable and she might need to be intubated in the night. A nurse is with her 24/7 because its a high dependancy unit.
I dont know what to feel. Today has been so traumatic. My head seems to be blocking the reality of it out somewhat. I feel terrified yet numb?
I am sorry you are going through this at the moment. Your partner is incredibly lucky to have you and I am glad you have got them medical care and attention.
While they are being looked after, you also need to take a moment to look after yourself. Sip at some water or a soft drink or tea and try and eat something. It doesn't have to be anything large or complicated, you do need to eat though as you have had a shock to the system and will need the energy to keep supporting your partner.
Can you also try to get a little bit of rest, take a nap perhaps. Migraines are often due to dehydration and exhaustion, so having some water and having a nap should help clear it.
Did the Drs let you know how long she would be in critical care for? Do you have anyone you can contact for support through this - a family member perhaps who can keep you company or offer support and an extra contact so that you can rest without feeling as though you may miss something.
Please, do take care of yourself.
I am sending hugs and well wishes for you and your partner.
Roiben x
Last edited by roiben : 27-08-2010 at 10:20 PM.
Reason: Amended a bit
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
Nobody has said how long she'll be in for, but I estimate 2-3 days at least. The meds she took were long release so she wont be out of immediate danger for a while as yet.
I have had painkillers and something to eat, and a little bit to drink. My head isnt too bad, wouldnt call it migrane pain anymore now, just a nasty headache and I dont feel sick anymore either.
Ive called her mum, and her dad, and my dad. They all know. I think her mum is going to try and come visit tomorrow evening after work, but she said she would call the ward in the morning and ask how she is. There is a dr on the ward all the time apparently, I know shes in the safest place. I know shes being looked after, but Im still worried she'll have a fit and stop breathing and they just wont be able to get her going again. It happens. I saw it happen today.
Its probably time I went to bed but I feel like I still have adrenaline running though my body. If I shut my eyes, Im scared of what I will see. :'(
This is stupid. I want to cut just to distract myself. I dont even want to self harm. Why am I thinking like this. Fucksake. *angry*
Oh god.
I'm so sorry.
*holds*
Please try to get some rest.
You need to take care of you too.
She's in the best place possible, the nurses are caring for her & someone is with her, she will be looked after, but you need to be looked after too, you need to try & eat something, & get fluids in you, & rest, maybe lie down on your bed & watch a nice, relaxing, movie, & then try to sleep.
I'm here for you lovely.
We all are.
*cuddles you*
xxxxxx
They are in a relationship together.
They're very close with one another.
& I don't think Miss wants to disclose her real name.
Miss needs support right now, not personal questions I think.
I believe it was a mix of a suicide attempt and self harm.
I guess she was thinking 'I want to harm myself really badly and need a lot of treatment and if I die in the process I dont give a shit'.
Though until I can talk to her, I dont know. And it sort of depends on how she feels once its over and she's recovered as to if she needs to stay in hospital or go to the psychiatric ward. If shes really angry it hasnt killed her then Id say it was more of a suicide attempt, and she probably needs to stay in for a while.
I am absolutely dreading going to bed. My heart is racing, I have palpitations, I know its mostly to do with anxiety that its come on this bad, but argh! What the hell am I gonna dream about?! [I usually dream about things along the same theme as what is going on in my life or has come up in coversation, and there is nothing nice about today and what I've seen and heard!]
Thankyou so much for your offer of support and your pair of ears. I cant thank people enough right now, and the people at the hospital have been amazing.
ah hun...i cant believe this has happened after things were picking up a bit. i just text you cuz i dont know what to say right now!! im really hoping she is ok! i know this is hard to hear..but right now there isnt anything that you can do. it all up to the docs. you need to look after yourself and keep yourself safe so that you can be there for her. man....i dont know what to say to make things better cuz i know that nothing can make it better.
you are so brave for facing this and talking about it. i can only imagine what you are going through because i've never been through it myself. what a traumatic experience. please be good to yourself. you can only be there for your partner if you are healthy yourself. i wish there was something i could do to help.
my pm is open anytime.
*hugs if you want them
take care.
I dont really have any words righ tnow. Im thinking of you
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Girl Interrupted
When you dont want to feel, death seems like a dream. ~ Girl Interrupted
I just want to say last time i OD i was in a very bad place, i had a fit and had to be resuscitated, and my bf had to witness that BUT i was ok. All you can do is be there, which you are, i hope she's ok hun xxx
Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up
*sits with you*
She's getting the best possible care right now, and you have been amazing. This must be such a difficult and trying time for you, please, be as gentle as you can with yourself, do something just for you if you can.
Thinking of you, sending you love
xxx
