Contains Abuse - Help me I'm drowning.....

Snow Leopard · 26-08-2010, 10:16 PM

Hi i have finally reached the end of my resources. I have had a really hard time for the last few months. I will try and summarise as it's a long story!
1. I was diagnosed with diabetes.
2. I collapsed and ended up in hospital where I was diagnosed with crohns colitis which is Inflammatory bowel disease very painful and puts you at greater risk of cancer and the treatment mucks up my diabetes
3. I get the result of whether I have colon cancer on 3rd Sept
4. While I was in hospital I was verbally attacked by an ultrasound technician and ended up making a complaint(I posted about this elsewhere)
All this I have just about coped with with the help of my therapist(who I have had daily contact by email or text with for four years and twice a week sessions) but last Sunday morning he texted me to say he is ill and can't see me and is not sure how long that will be for. He's in hospital. It took me 6 years to find a therapist who could help me and 1.5 years to trust him enough to start processing my sexual abuse now I'm completely lost and don't know what to do or where to turn. I have lost the hope that I was beginning to get back and have been feeling suicidal since this happened. I trusted him and he told me he would never let me down but like everyone else he has. What can I do? I'm exhausted ill and having an emotional crisis. I rang the Samaritans they were useless. My GP couldn't suggest anything I need some help!!!! If it weren't for my 3 kids I would have just given up but each day I am getting closer.

zivalover16 · 27-08-2010, 12:43 AM

Hang in there... You are going through alot (as if you couldn't figure that out bu yourself)... Do you have anyone else you can talk to like family.... I read what the technician did to you and thats just awful.... I hope you can find some support from someone

Snow Leopard · 27-08-2010, 11:21 PM

Thank you for your answer obviously no one else cares what I'm going through.

che che · 28-08-2010, 08:01 AM

please please hang in there x i can see you are going through a hard time but just think of your kids x thats what i do when its gets to much i go sit with them talk about thier friends , school,music , anything just seeing thier faces helps . good luck for the 3rd sept will keep fingers crossed x

Snow Leopard · 28-08-2010, 10:08 AM

Thank you cherie I am trying to keep going for them.

PoisonedApple · 31-08-2010, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Thank you for your answer obviously no one else cares what I'm going through.

After thinking on it as not to reply impulsively, I decided I do need to answer this...
The fact that someone doesn't reply doesn't mean they don't care what you're going through. You have no idea what some of the rest of us are going through so that assumption isn't just simply a little rude...
I will leave my comment at that.

Snow Leopard · 31-08-2010, 08:17 PM

Sorry it wasn't meant rudely it came from a place of desperation and hurt and needing to know that someone was there. I realise that others are going through stuff and I try and reply to others even when I'm in a bad place surely that's the deal on a 'support' site?!!!

Stellata · 31-08-2010, 08:21 PM

I hear your desperation and that awful feeling of feeling abandoned in your deepest hour of need.
I'd suggest you keep regular contact with your GP at this time. Maybe seeing them once a week. Some GPs are sensitive enough to accommodate that.
There are also other helplines, something which you may look into. Also check in to your local branch of Mind to see what they offer.

Snow Leopard · 02-09-2010, 12:02 PM

Thanks Katie Not really feeling strong enough to seek help right now just trying to get through and feeling really confused and alone at the moment my capacity to risk trusting again is about zero. I don't know whether that will change when I get my results but that's how it is now.

Margo · 04-09-2010, 12:24 PM

I know what its like to rely upon your therapist. I really do.

He hasnt "let you down" though. His body has let him down! IF he said he wouldnt let you down then i believe he genuinely neamt it. Thats worth something.

There are greater lessons to be learned during the absence of our supporters then when we have them readily at hand. Time like this teach you real strength. It may seem like a cruel way to learn but i think its the truth.

You will get through this period. You will fight. You will just want to give up but you wont. You may not be able to do it today but perhaps tomorrow.

And at the end of the day try to remember that if this person had faith on you to keep going and help then others will too. If others can see you arent the lost cause you see yourself as then more will too!

Snow Leopard · 04-09-2010, 03:37 PM

Thanks Matt You are right but it's a lot more complicated than I'm able to write on here. I am waiting till I feel less shell shocked and then will think what to do about finding another therapist. Oh and I had my result yesterday I don't have cancer yet which is good news and they are putting me on a medicine which lessens the chance of it. Trying to hold onto the positives although in the middle of a storm that can be hard!

riley. · 07-09-2010, 05:35 PM

thinking of you

Snow Leopard · 07-09-2010, 10:09 PM

Thanks Becci as am I about you. Thanks Matthew you are right and eventually i will become more rational about it hopefully.

Snow Leopard · 09-09-2010, 02:33 PM

I just got a letter through for me to go for an assessment by a psychiatrist who I've met before and he wasn't helpful but I will go and see what they come up with.

startingagain · 09-09-2010, 09:54 PM

You could always request a different one. I've done that before.

shadow13 · 23-09-2010, 07:48 PM

Hang in there, honey. We're all here for you, I promise. You can talk to any of us! *virtual hug* I may be young, but I know how to comfort people, trust us, please. :) Smile and hang on.

Snow Leopard · 24-09-2010, 01:20 PM

hank you Shadow I appreciate your support!