Triggering (SI) - Hello Again

[plans]

I use to come to this site a few years ago, cant even remember what my username was now. Anyway I've been non harming for about 3 years, its been hard but its mostly out of my mind these days, I've made some positive steps, getting a job, moving out of home. Things are mostly ok but I have days where everything just seems to much, yesterday was one of those days.

This girl I work with I have bit of a crush on and we been hanging out and stuff and its been good but then she asked me for my mates mobile number and it was like someone shot me. So after work I went home and got wasted listing to music and mopping like the old days. I was very close to braking my shaver to get the razor out but luckily I passed out from to much JD

Of course in the morning, things don't seem nearly as bad. I just wish I could stop reacting so over the top to things. I keep telling myself next year things will be better and I'll feel there is purpose to life, but it never does. I really don't know how many years i got left

[Margo]

Hey.

You wont be the first or last to fall for someone like this and then get hurt. It used to happen to me all the time. I was always the kinda guy who got on well with the girls and would befreind them and get a mad crush and then be blown out by some boyfriend or new lover. I guess i was always just seen as a mate. some even used to call me their gay best freind even tho im straight :P

I think getting better and putting a life if sickness and destructive behaviour behind you is bloody hard work! Moving on and getting a job is quite hard! there is, however, only so much we can do alone. ultimately i guess most of us want to find someone to love and care for and be cared for.

I think desiring someone like you did is normal. Perhaps reacting inthe way you did was normal too? Perhaps the only difference is that when something like that knocks you back after getting up from a pile of ****, it can churn up many old meories and feelings.

Being lonely sucks.

Take care!!!

Matthew

[englishrose]

Hello,

Welcome back **HUG**

First off well done on getting so so far as Matthew said it’s not easy making life's for our self’s, stepping on our own two feet and starting a new job so be really proud of yourself you have come so far.

and yes I know that feeling of being shoot straight in the back its "wonderful" not but I find of feel like I go through heart break so that when I find the one that will love me unconditionally then I will see them and not pass them by or at least I hope!

Life can pass by so quick your miss it, the thing is having a purpose in life does not make things easier and to be honest it changes as life does. The secret is that we all don’t really have a purpose in life, apart from to live life to the full but a purpose is what you decide you want to do. If you don’t know what it is yet don’t worry because it just means you have not found or don’t really see the thing in life that matches you!

I might not be making sense lol Anyway nice to have you back if you want a chat I’m always around anytime
JAD XX

[Dark_Ronius]

I don't want to sound like I'm just copying everyone else here, but well done for getting through this far :).

I guess it's human nature to feel like how you did, and I feel you reacted pretty positively really considering you didn't break out the razor in the end.

As for hoping next year will be better, I've found in a strange way when I stopped hoping life would be better, life has become a little more bearable. I guess I made the mistake of setting such a high standard of how my life should be; a standard not even some of my more successful friends could achieve with their first-class honours degrees and all!! I've also found doing a couple of hours of voluntary work for a self-help group each week has really made me appreciate life more, if something like that might help?

In hope