Triggering (SI) - Falling apart again, would appreciate any support *trigger warning*
I've been struggling with urges again for a while now, things slowly started falling apart again and now the floodgates have opened. I have a really supportive boyfriend but my harming upsets him and I don't want to lose him, so I haven't told him that I am harming again, I hate the fact that I'm hiding this from him, I'm waiting to go for counselling I've been told that even though my doctor marked it as urgent I'm looking at up to 4 weeks waiting time. I know it sounds selfish but I need the help now. I'm desperate, I can't cope with everything and my anxiety is just getting worse.
I'm sorry for posting and I feel like I'm just moaning and wasting people's time but any help would be appreciated.
It doesn't sound selfish at all and please don't apologise for posting.
I can understand why your boyfriend would be upset that you had returned to harming yourself again but, seeing as you also say he's been very supportive, I think he would appreciate knowing too. It might be worth telling him why you've begun again instead of just focussing upon the self-harm, that way, he can understand a little better.
I hope that the counselling comes through soon, sometimes the NHS really is rubbish.
Yeah, I've been waiting about 2 weeks so far already. The doctors put me on meds too and they don't help. I thought about looking for counselling in other places like charities but im not really sure where to start. It was hard enough admitting to the doctors the things I need help with.
My boyfriend knows the reasons behind the self harm, he thinks its those things I'm struggling with, he's said I should go back to the doctors to tell them the meds are making me feel worse. I made an appointment for monday, things are just really difficult, I can't seem to stop thinking about hurting myself and different ways to hide it.
It's good that you are considering seeing counsellors from other charities, even if you know that repeating what's wrong will be a hard thing to do. Which counselling is coming through for you soon? CAMHs? There are other places out there, even if it is online or via telephone. Someone will want to support you.
Have you told your boyfriend that you've made the doctor's appointment for Monday? He'll be happier if he knows because then he'll be reassured you're listening to him. It's good that he cares. It doesn't sound like the reasons you're hurting yourself now are the reasons that you have been in the past. I don't know if I'd be right assuming that.
no its just a counsellor at my doctors and then appparently she decides the best programme of care for me. I have been trying to get in touch with a charity call MIND.
My boyfriend does know about the doctors appointment on Monday. I think the reasons I am harming now are just down to how im feeling over things and the fact that its what im used to doing to cope, ive been harming a long time i dont really have another coping mechanism.
I hope that the counselling with your doctor works out for you but it is good that you're looking into charities like MIND. I hope that you manage to get something there, have you begun inquiring?
It's good that your boyfriend knows about the appointment on Monday, has he been supportive of it? And it is understandable to be struggling with things, as well as worrying as to what will come of Monday's appointment.
When it becomes a habit, it can be incredibly hard to break which is why you should never give it up immediately- a bit like smoking I guess. Do you want to talk about how you're feeling over things?
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
I tried calling mind today but got no answer the few times I tried. I'm going to try again tomorrow. Hopefully that will come through quickly for me. There's so much that's bothering me at the moment I hnestly don't know where to stsrt only to say that thingd from the past sre bothering me and because I've never really dealt with anything properly its all like its happened recently and I'm having panic attacks and finding even the normalest of things hard. The only thing that distracts me from panicking is si.
Thanks for hugs Jo, your not useless :) Love you xxxxx
I would have answered this earlier, had my mind been in a decent place, but I'm answering now :)
Did you get through to MIND today? I hope that they come through for you too, it's always best to have support in place for when you need it, not to have to get it when you reach 'that' place.
I guess that if you have never dealt with things properly in the past then they'll always come back to haunt you, however much you push them away. The longer you throw them back away, the more they'll gather up a force and will hurt you. Everyday things are naturally difficult, but I suppose the past feelings exacerbate it somewhat. How do you think you can cope best right now?
I got through to mind and they told me about a drop in service they do and also they told me about this counselling thing they have called time to talk. I am going to call them on Monday because when I called today the number was busy. I don't know how I'm going to cope really. I'm just trying to get through as best as I can. My boyfriend will be with me this weekend so I'll have support in that way. I guess I can only do things in baby steps. Also I got an emergency type appointment at my doctors today instead of waiting until Monday, he has given me a different type of tablets now and he is optimistic these ones will work *fingers crossed*. I just want to be ok again..
I'm calling Mind tomorrow, the time to talk number, I'll have to do a telephone assessment I guess to see how desperate I am for counselling, well I need counselling now. I'm scared, has anyone had one of these telephone assesment thingys what type of things do you get asked?
Hey Di,
I've never had to have a telephone assessment before but that is what I will have to do also if I find the courage to call a charity in my area. Just wanted to say that I can relate to a lot of what you've said. Weldone for deciding to call Mind tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you x x x
The woman seemed ok at first then I had to go quite deep into my reasons for si. I felt like she was judging me and she asked if I was suicidal. I said no and she said that based on the severity of my problems I was looking at a wait of around 6 months.... I felt insignificant before calling them now I feel worse. I thought of calling some other places but now I'm scared they'll be the same.
hey so my name is nixie and ive read what u posted and i just wanna let u kno tht if u need to talk im here and i compleatly kno what u are talking about so if u wanna talk just mesg me ;)
just because your not suicidal doesnt mean you dont deserve help.
The fact we self harm, or that we feel we need help should be and is enough.
I expect the charity is overloaded with work compared to resources.
But i know that doesnt help.
Hoping you get to see the counsellor soon.
I know it is hard to talk about so maybe try emailing the supporters here at :support@recoveryourlife.com
they are good cos all of them came here because of self harm so they understand better.
Hope you can fight the urges.
stay strong im thinking of you x
ps. dunno if you are in the uk but if you are this page shows locally branches of samaritans they have drop in centres where you can go talk to someone face to face and as anonomous as you want.
: http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_so...al_branch.aspx
