Triggering (SI) - Another wave

ArtisticJustice · 07-08-2010, 02:52 AM

I was doing great up until a couple weeks ago when work went absolutely nuts and my partner's dad passed. I'm 22 years old now and I started when I was 16...relapse every now and again but I haven't since...well I can't even remember...I guess more than a year ago.

I don't even know how to talk about it or who to talk to. I want to get into therapy again but I don't have the money or the transportation to get there.

I know it is the wrong thing to do. I feel like I am too old for this. I feel like I have a lot going for me but all I want to do is tear myself up because it is easier to deal with that than to have it all inside my head.

I feel like...I don't matter. My family doesn't see me as it is....my partner hardly touches me...Work..I'm just the screw up manager...my boss feels the need to run my section from behind me...which makes me care even less.

I don't want to be here...it's not even for me any more...I couldn't leave her and my family like that. I don't know what to do...I'll survive but I don't want to just survive I want to be happy living.

Margo · 07-08-2010, 10:58 AM

Hello,

Im sorry about your slip and im sorry about your partners father. I guess this makes things even harder for you because you should be supporting your partner but you feel in need of support yourself and this must be making it hard to ask for.

I think you are doing the right thing by posting on the site. Its a good place to start. Ultimately though you need to get suport from your loved ones and some kind of support service.

Can you talk to your doctor or perhaps call a help line? Having an impartial person to talk to and someone there for support will really help.

You certainly arent too old for this. you are still incredibly young. Trust me!

Although your thoughts are4 very much on the negative side right now you really should try to see what you have written. "I was doing great". Thats a pretty fantastic thing and something to hold onto. Therer is no reason tyou cant do great again. You are reaching out and can see the signs. you also know you need help.

Its a glitch. It will be great again.

Take care

Matthew

teenytineytori · 10-08-2010, 04:43 AM

Having a rough time when a big event happens is natural. It was something that you used to cope for a while. And right now things are hard to cope with. But this will pass. I know if you can think back you at some point thought you would never be able to be SI free for 2 days at a time and you can't even remember the last time. That is amazing. And you said you were doing pretty great. This will pass. You are strong enough to get through this.

And don't use your age to add fuel to the fire. Everyone does things at different speeds and different times. You are not too old.

Maybe you could start a diary until you can figure out a professional that can help.