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Triggering (Suicide) - bleh
i dont know what im doing anymore.
what im thinking.
my feelings are taking over everything.
i cant do this again.
im going into complete meltdown and i dont care.
bought a very large number of pills the other day.
and i know if i take them all, this time it will work.
im going to take them...i dont feel like i can stop that from happening.
i just dont know when. i feel so trapped with responsibility
i hate letting people down and right now, i dont have any opportunity to die.
its only a matter of time and il be gone.
im sorry for making everything hard for everyone.
i guess im trying to make it up to them before i do something.
stupid really...but i do care, only about other people.
i dont care about myself or what i do, i just care about them.
im living for them right now. as soon as i can leave them, i will.
i just dont understand why they wont let go.
why do people care?
all im going to do is hurt and destroy them like i do with everything else.
like i have done and will continue to do.
i wish they wouldnt care, i cant allow myself to hurt them.
but i know its best. they need me out of their lives so i cant hurt them.
so i cant make things hard. unbearable.
i dont want to/cant live with myself how can i expect them to..
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