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Repressed emotions trying to burst through
Hi i recently went through a traumatic situation that was all of my own doing but has left me in a really scary place.
I was in a very happy five year relationship with a girl i loved but wasn't in love with. I somehow manged to meet this girl at a party and fall in love with her in the space of two days. I tried to cut contact with the new girl but we couldn't stay apart so i decided i'd have to break up with my long term girlfriend. When i did she was hysterical, crying and i was just completely numb. I couldn't feel a thing. The next day at work i was telling people and i felt high almost.
From then on i haven't been able to connect with my feelings and i just feel dead inside. I broke up with the bnew girl because i thought being with her was stopping me being able to grieve but i haven't been with her for over a month now and still nothing.
Whats scary is that i can feel all these feelings in my stomach trying to escape but my heart just starts veating and uses adrenaline to push them back down.
I now can't connect with people because i can't connect with myself so i'm starting to isolate because even when i'm around close friends i act like i'm ok which makes me feel like i'm not in reality because i know just below the surface i'm traumatised. I get anxious around people because i can't tell them the truth of how i'm feeling because i'm so closed off to my feelings even though i feel them literally tryi g to burst out of my chest and stomach. Its lile my bodies using its own drugs, adrenaline and sometimes some kind of endorphine or dopamine to surpress them.
Does anyone relate to this?
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