Triggering (SI) - Feeling very foolish

[shakaz]

I had gone about 3 months without cutting, and then last week I cut twice. Yesterday was extremely embarrassing for me as I had to go to the local urgent care clinic for an infected wound.

In my years of cutting, I have never seen a doctor for one of my cuts. That's not to say there haven't been a few instances in which I should have gone for stitches, but I've always handled the first aid myself and I've never been troubled by an infection.

I am even more embarrassed because last week I saw my psychiatrist who gave me a mild scolding for not getting stitches in this very wound that is now infected. Now I have to admit to my therapist what I've done when I see her tomorrow, and I have to tell my psychiatrist that I was wrong when I see him on Wednesday.

All this time, one way I rationalized that it was okay to cut is that I was doing it "safely." Right now the infection in my leg is making it painful to move or even have clothing touching my skin, but all I can think about is that now I can cut again because I am already on antibiotics, so I don't have to worry about infection. Not very smart, I know.

[GlockenRob]

Well. You're not the only who's ever done anything foolish.

Tomorrow, you'll probably do something really good.

[Sigma]

we all struggle with being smart - being able to admit it is a good step...