Triggering (Substance Abuse) - Using doesn't even help anymore...*Trig Suicide*
I don't even know what I'm gonna do anymore.
Recently I've feel into a funk, and it seems to be go a little bit deeper every day. I used to think the only good part about being huge addict was at least I was happy.. At least I had something to look forward to.. At least I didn't think about SI or suicide anymore..
Everything is changing.. I feel so hopeless to ever stop using that it's getting harder to face each day. I know a future with children in it is impossible if I don't stop. I know a future with a career in it is impossible if I stop... .
but what if I can't? what is there left to look forward too? Continuing to piss my life away? Continuing to hurt or loose everyone important to me because I stop stop sticking a ****ing needle in arm.
I don't want stick around to see that...
I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons.
Not a proper doctor no, I've looked into groups and such but the only thing I have been able to find is 12 step programs. and I don't believe in God or any higher power so Step 2 is kinda like an auto fail
I honestly didn't know you could see a doctor for addiction.
I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons.
There are non-'higher power' based recovery groups out there. The only one I can think of right now is LifeRing. Unfortunately, a quick search on their site showed that there aren't any LifeRing meetings in Reno.
You don't have to be religious or believe in God or any "supreme being" for 12-step based programs to work. The second step reads, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." For me, the power greater than myself is the AA/NA program/fellowship, and I know others who say the same thing. I draw strength from others at meetings, learn from their experience, strength and hope, and apply it to myself and my program. Prayer is something I still struggle with since I don't believe in 'God with a capital G,' but saying the prayers helps me collect my thoughts instead of sitting around being pissed off about something.
There are lots of clever little sayings in AA. One that I'm not a big fan of but you may hear or have heard is "Fake it 'til you make it," essentially meaning pretend that God exists until you start to believe it. One that I do strongly believe in, though, is "Keep coming back!" Try out some meetings a few more times, let them know that you're new and need some help, find a sponsor and talk to them about your concerns surrounding the higher power aspect of the program. It's scary at first, but things really can change for the better.
"If your pictures aren't good enough, you aren't close enough." -Robert Capa
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss
Yeah one of my friends was saying that I should just consider the higher power as myself.
But I'm really nervous to go, never been to great about talking about my problems I can barely even do it here. Do they let you skip until your ready to talk?
I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons.
sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time <hugs>
Hard for me to talk about groups as i've never been brave enough to go, but surely there must be some non-religion based groups in your area. Maybe a friend could go with you to make it seem less daunting?. Also most Dr's have lists of support groups in the area, so that might be a good start.
Hope you can find what you need and things will get brighter from there.
Im going to NA meetings and they help very much. try it.
My RYL family:
I-used-to-be-positive is my big sister razorxkissedxwrists is my mommy alyssa.star is my sister phoenixflames_forever is my cousin concreteangel, helpmydeath, xxbeckyxx and queer fringe are my little sisters bob--says--hi is my twin
Hi
Just wanted to say as someone outside looking in, it seems like a positive thing that you're so aware of what you don't want for yourself, for your future.
Its a big leap to get from using an established way of coping with horrible scary feelings (no matter what that way of coping is) to well, a new way, a different way of living with yourself and the dark bits.
You don't have to do it all at once, no one could. Little steps, ways to keep yourself as safe as possible, trying not to close yourself off, reaching out for help wherever possible, sometimes that's all can be/need be done for the moment.
It's hard to move forward when the goal seems so far away and it feels like so much is at stake, alot of pressure, which could make using seem all the more desirable.
Hope you're going alright jus now, stay safe x
