Hi my friend suffers from sever depression and has been told by health visitors to give her child up to her exs (the child's father). I'm gonna ask her to come on and post, but anyone ever had experience of this?
i was sure that health visitors could not make that decision, only social services (and even then they need court orders?) also, she has not been offered support by the health visitors - i know some people on here use surestart etc, any other ideas?
finally i've put her in touch with a free legal advice line, anything relating to this? mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
You're right, health visitors cannot make that decision, although they can inform social services and social services will also be informed if she cooperated with them or not, tried to find other avenues, was generally pleasant etc, so it's worth her trying to stay on their good side without actually handing over the kid if that makes sense.
yeah from what i can make out its all health visitors and no social services. what really gets me is that health visitors are nurses who have traied as health visitors - not doctors, or anyone with training in mental health issues.
she's seeing the hv again today, i think she needs to fight them on this as she's been a full time mum since she was born.
she's just been bullied and pushed into this and no-one is fighting her corner, and no-one is telling her the procedures or anything like that. she needs support, she is already a fantastic mum, grrr!
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
Health visitors can be alot more experienced than doctors with regard to mental health issues and familys some doctors don't have any training beyond a few undergraduate lectures. They also don't tend to see families at home so in some ways HV can have a more accurate picture of family dynamics. You are right it is the last resort to have a child forcibly taken off someone but the decision is a multidisciplinary one so will invole everyone you can think off that is involved with the family. It is best to be postive and try to work with people and try not be defensive(as hard as that can be somewhere). It may be that it is best for her not to be the primary care giver if she is very unwell at the minute or to split care of the child, also it seems like she has someone who can give her lots of support in you! Try citizens advice for local help?
she's so 'unwell' that she hasn't even been assessed. they're doing all of this without her having an assessment of her capabilities. by dr's i meant pyschiatrist - ones that have specialised in mental health, gp's refer to them the majority of time, because they do not have the relevant training.
got this from her yesterday:
Hi mand has health visitor and social worker out today and they said that ellie got to stay with her dad till i have had assment done if i am deemed stable i will get her back if not they say i will be admitted to d block for maximum of 6 weeks thanks for all your advice
d block is the IP facility where she lives. i think they are talking out their arses, she is not that unstable, and if she is then by the same standards, i have the kids from 10pm-6pm most days on my own, (20hrs) and i have 2 and i'm just as depressed and messed up as she is. lack of sleep drinving me crzy, but like her i get on with it. depression doesn't mean bad parent, on unable parent.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I understand a bit more now! I think all you can do is keep giving her as much support as you can and to remind her she is a good mum because as we all know on this forum when you feel low it's easy to doubt yourself, she really does need an advocate, social worker or support worker of some kind for HER but I don't know she would go about that?
I think your friend needs some legal advice from a qualified solicitor.
Both the health visitor and the social worker are acting beyond their powers. Nobody should be saying anything regarding custody to her before a proper assessment. And even with an assessment Social Servics cannot tell her where her child should live - that's the role of the courts.
It sounds as though your friend is feeling really vulnerable and helpless. But she needs to do all she can to prevent professionals from bullying her like this.
well the kid's gone to her dad's, she is being abused by those in power coz they know she doesn't understand the system. i gave her a webpage with free legal advice where they can call you back so oyu don't spoend ages on 0845 number, and CAB and even about the surestart scheme.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I have to say that Social Services will very often not do anything without good reason. I have been involved in custody battles on behalf of young people I work with that are in full time care due to learning difficulties, and even then, when it has been proven the parents can't deal with the childrens special needs, we do everything in our power to ensure it's a voluntary placement, as this causes as little stress to the parents and children involved. With mainstream kids it's even more the case, as they understand a lot more of what's going on.
ive had so many run in's with social workers, and not many have been very good at all.
i think that if she is competant enough she should be the one making the decisions.
however, as you know, i gave keith up when he was 5 due to my dissociations. i dont believe in "outsiders" being involved UNLESS there is abuse going on in the home. i believe that the mother should have control over this, and like i said unless their is abuse involved and you didnt mention that. so, in my opinion, what is being done to her is pure bullshit.
hope i didnt offend anyone. love you manda.xxxxxxx
there are rumours but its a broken family. the girl in question was raised by her grandparents because of issues with her parents, so now the whole family engages in slanging matches and that's what has kicked this all off.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
my point is that health visitors are supposed to offer support first and removing the child should be the last resort. my friend didn't even know of the organisations that exist.
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
hi mandimoo,this exact thing is happening to me aswell,I dont understand how they come to these conclusions,I get penalised for beingso depressed so i have some time away from them to get better and they penalise me for that. They are being removed from my care to my mums care permanently due to my depreesion bein so severe,which i think is complete over reaction because i am fine when im better,All im going to say is that anyone should fight thier corner,no matter how long it takes because the system is flawed and makes no sense, i hope your friend is better soon
